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Teen Poetry #7
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Break free
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Break free |
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
Break free. I want to escape I want to run away at the fastest pace. I want to let go, I want to explore. It’s time for me to break free And be what I need to be. I want; I need to experience what this world has to offer me Now I am ready to break free. I think about it every night, I know for me it is right. Let me run with open arms, Let the wind try to pull me in. For I will not give in. For I know I am ready to break free. i'm looking for you...always... i'm looking for you...always... |
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| © Copyright 2006 whatever you want it to be - All Rights Reserved | |||
latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Ummm... Okay then. Your organization could be a lot better and I think you messed up on some grammer and spelling. Some parts of it flowed but more of it didn't. In the last section you have four lines when in all the others you only have two. Either you need to add more to the two lined ones, take away from the four lined one, or seperate the four lined one into two, two lined things. Does that make sence? Sorry if it doesn't. Do you read your poems to yourself before you post them? If not then maybe you should think about it. It really helps. Please don't take any of this the wrong way. Thanx. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, I like this poem a lot, I just think it could use some more polish… Like this part, ”I want to escape I want to run away at the fastest pace. I want to let go, I want to explore” it doesn’t really have to be set up like this, I think it would do great in one stanza, maybe something like this, ” I want to escape want to run away at the fastest pace. Want to let go, Want to explore,”. You don’t really need to have so many I’s in it. This line, ”I want; I need to experience what this world has to offer me “ I think it would be better without the “I want;” in it, that’s just what I think though. Unlike Jessica though, I thought it had pretty good flow, sure, it was stiff in a few places, but nothing major. I love the last stanza though, don't change that one!  Good job. Have you gotten over your writers block? looks like it.. @-->--- |
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