last time - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2006-04-12 04:01 PM

falling down again
i seem to have lost my way
ive been down this path before
but my footsteps have faded away
i call for help but here nothing
but echoes of laughter
i made the same mistakes
look at me im a disaster

im not going to make it
through the night
if hit rock bottom now for
the last time
too many days gone by
too many tears ive cried
i wipe the tears away but they stain my face
i sold my soul with the lies i told
i am a disgrace

i let things get to me
i tried to push them away
i turned my back on life
i threw my dreams away
i lost control of
my feelings and my mind
i searched so hard for
the answers i couldnt find

the sun has gone down
and i cant live in the dark

{in a million years i wont be over you}

[This message has been edited by LOSTinTHISworld (04-14-2006 06:39 PM).]

Sexy
Member

since 2005-11-25

Posts 53

1 posted 2006-04-12 04:33 PM

oh my god.....i so luv this one

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-04-12 09:29 PM

This was a very good poem.. i loved it.. I liked the line where you said "if I hit rock bottom for the very last time" that was my favorite part out of the whole thing.. the rhythm was ok.. I can probably see points of improvement.. Other than that.. it was great keep it up..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

3 posted 2006-04-13 06:17 PM

I agree with Heather. Its nice but a little rough around the edges. Don't have anything more.

Jessica

dramaticaddict
Junior Member

since 2006-04-13

Posts 10
ny, usa

4 posted 2006-04-13 07:34 PM

wow.
that about sums up my reaction.

you obviously have a talent.

my fav line was definitely:
"the sun has gone down
and i can't live in the dark"

well once again, i'm impressed

<3cassie

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

5 posted 2006-04-13 09:30 PM

i LOVE this.
can relate so incredibly much.
awesome awesome job.
--kelly

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

6 posted 2006-04-14 09:42 AM

Wow! This is so sad... I loved it!~

The only thing is it DOES need some polish, like spelling/grammar, I like to use Microsoft word before I ever post anything, that's just a thought though.

Good job. I would love to see more of your work

@-->---

LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

7 posted 2006-04-14 06:45 PM

im glad you all enojyed it, its actually a song i wrote, the verse where it say "im not going to make it..." is the chorus and would be sang again after the second verse. it sounds better as a song. anyways thanx for you comments.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.