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why
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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why |
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firy New Member
since 2006-04-07
Posts 8florida |
why why do we run into the streets killing each other giving headaches and broken hearts to our mothers why do we use force instead of persuassion police instead of peace why do we use drugs also called brain plugs and not treat our body like a temple or shrine all the way down to the spine why do ask kids if they know the art of drug dealin instead of what they're really feelin why are single mothers on welfare and not have an HMO or proper health care why are dads nowhere to be found makin sure the kids are safe and sound why can status quo determine whether your friend or foe how can someone call a girl a hoe and make her feel oh so low why not take it to the max everyday makin sure we go all the way why do we feel afraid to stand alone especially when we make out our own why chief |
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| © Copyright 2006 oscar de jongh - All Rights Reserved | |||
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
WOW... great poem It really makes you think of the world we live in. I share your same look on these things. *leah |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
I know I have already posted on yours but I thought of some ales thing to say. It would be helpful if you put stanzas in your poem. Love to read more of your work soon (to hear your opinion on things) *Leah |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
First, Welcome to PIP. Stanzas would be great for this. It would make it a lot easier to read. Its not always the dads fault, sometimes it's the mothers that run away and leave her kids with their father. But the whole idea of losing a parent is just horrid. Remember, stanzas. lol. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey firy, Welcome to pip! Amazing poem there, it really makes you stop and think about life... Just what Jessica said, stanzas would be really helpful for the reader, and it helps seperate some of your ideas so the poem doesn't appear messy. Good job, can't wait to see more! @-->--- |
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dramaticaddict Junior Member
since 2006-04-13
Posts 10ny, usa |
as latteaddict and stargal mentioned, stanzas are nice i totally feel you this was a really heartfelt poem... loverly <3cassie. |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
see i told you... more would reply if you gave it time *leah |
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