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Teen Poetry #7
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The hearts dancing beat
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The hearts dancing beat |
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Merik New Member
since 2006-04-10
Posts 6 |
Howdy enjoy my ickle creation hope to get some feedback hopefully not all bad but this is my first try  The hearts dancing beat Along your heart I’m dancing, waiting for the beat How long must I be waiting for my dreams prophecy I feel like a jester dancing with deceit Can you see through it, my small creation of love? I wish I could not love yet my dreams betray me every time I close my eyes I sit in the classroom dreaming of knowledge yet the knowledge I seek no one can teach I wear my mask to hide my faith and to keep my identity in the shadows Ask me why and I shall tell, yet no-one has asked me therefore I shall hide yet again The heart beats not for all of biology’s facts or for the scientist’s theories Its beats with life and with emotion Do not dissect it and take my belief of love I like my small illusions they keep me sane and full of hope Whether it is false hope I do not care For In science there is no love only chemicals So teach me again and again yet I shall never think logically For I am a child of my soul not of my body My soul empowers the body to move to greater strengths and speeds that challenge the laws of humanity Look at me, my soul is corrupted with a hunger for something to do In a world of infinite possibilities I choose to stare into nothingness? If you knew I was falling would you save me My dreams believe in you yet I do not I challenge myself on a daily basis thinking of my next move Yet so far I haven’t made any moves with my love’s true intent Maybe I am a coward who is addicted to being alone Maybe I am sinking into my self pity Does it matter? I write this in privacy yet I wish for some one to read Would I like the great critics of art and poetry to summarize my life problems when they could plainly just ask me? The themes could vary to love, life etc Why can we not just read poetry at face value? I write for those to talk to me about my long meaningless creation Not for educated people whose time I may be wasting Bash this poem with your analytical shouts of wisdom I don’t mind you’ll never meet me I write this as an arrogant teenager who knows of the worlds problems yet I only write of my own The joker I have been all my life Craving for attention What’s my problem? There is no problem of my heart or emotions My heart beats, beats and beats My conclusion to a long confession is this Tomorrow is a new day and I’m the one who can change it Life is dictated by your experiences and acquaintances Define your religion not by a holy book but by your soul and your mind So I state again Along your heart I’m dancing, waiting for the beat Along my dreams we shall meet again And through my life I shall never forget Your face, your body, your soul Crazy very long meaningless poem by Christian Wilkes If you like sign me up for a big lovely money making deal with a publishing company If you hate well… don’t tell me! But I would like some feedback how to improve my poetry skills because I think I just write for the sake of writing and I want to know how to structure poems! If you did read thank you because I know it’s pretty long actually its probably too long but oh well enjoy it or hate it or just say hmmm interesting after reading it! Anyone who hates it you can send me hate mail at merik3000@hotmail.com |
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| © Copyright 2006 Merik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, I really like this poem, but right now i gtg so i will return later and critique it  Good job though, hope to see you post more often... WELCOME TO PIP! @-->--- |
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Merik New Member
since 2006-04-10
Posts 6 |
Thanx alot stargirl! I'll probably make more now and try to improve on my organisation in future ones |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I liked this very much.. my favorite part is where you said you were just a teenager who knew of the world's problems but only wrote of your own.. that is so true with a lot of people.. I write about me.. there's nothing wrong with that but I like how you put that in words and expained it.. very nice write.. I loved your choice of words.. the rythm was so-so.. but everything else made up for that in two-fold.. keep it up.. and I hope to hear more from you soon. [ic36.gif (516 bytes)]  It was different but unique.. as with other works of poety and art.. i loved it ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, like Heather said I loved the whole thing also. My favorite line has to be "I wear my mask to hide my faith and to keep my identity in the shadows" Also i agree, in some spots the flow isn't very good. What helps you to improve that is to read the poem out loud to yourself, see where you stumble, and where you don't I hope to see more of your poems. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back on this, i wasn't quite sure what i though, but the more i read this the more i liked it. Good job! @-->--- |
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Merik New Member
since 2006-04-10
Posts 6 |
Thanx guys for being nice! This was my first attempt so i hope to improve the rhyming in the next poems i will make eventually wen a strong feeling of emotion hits me next! "Destiny and fate await to be challenged" The Spirit Of Nikopol |
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