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aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-04-07 04:23 PM

My life is so lonely
No body to share it with
No one to say
You’re the only girl for me

Its not that I’m picky
I’m to nerves to go out
To afraid of why they asked me
Is it real or just a joke

I fear that I’ll be 20
Still never going on a date
Never getting my first kiss
Wow that’s only 5 years away

There’s noting amazing about me…

There’s so much to thee
But so little to see
Will you open up
Or just hide from me

*leah

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

1 posted 2006-04-07 04:57 PM

yes there is your amazing and so is your poetry i needed this. i feel the same way i have been thinking about it a lot lately,
thankyou,
smiles.
curiouse

i'm looking for you...always...

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-04-08 09:41 AM

its good. i think that the last line should be a 4 lined stanza. like all your others. maybe.

Jessica

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

3 posted 2006-04-08 01:50 PM

Thank you for replying,

Thanks curiouse, its nice hearing that from a friend!!

and Jessica your right is should be, but the one I came up with was five lines

so it and tell me what you think and if I should add it or not

”There’s noting amazing about me
I’m to quiet and shy
To nerves to speak
No boys come up to me
but ones how scare me”

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-04-08 05:19 PM

Hey aliway,

Wow, I can’t believe you think there is nothing special about you! I mean you are such an awesome writer, there are not very many people out there with your kind of talent. Except on on pip, but that’s what pip is here for! So all us special people (no, not mentally special!) can get together and support each other.

No offence to anyone, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with being 20 before you go out on a date, and double no offence to anybody but I think as teens sometimes were not ready for relationships, I mean how long do they last?! Not usually out of high school, but there are some lucky people out there that do…

Great poem though, I think it conveys something every girl, maybe even guy I wouldn’t know on that one cause I am not one, something everyone feels about dating/not dating.

I seriously think that you need to take out the last line cause it’s not but a lie! You seem like an amazing person to me.

Just wondering but this part, “no body to share it with”, do you know if it is supposed to be “nobody” or “no body” like you put it? I have no clue and that is something I’d like to know!

I look forward to seeing more of your posts, but without the part about there being nothing special about you.

Also, I love the title of this poem.

@-->---

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

5 posted 2006-04-08 06:57 PM

Thank you for what you said to me stargal it really means a lot. You think I have talent. I guess I have a little bit of talent in writing.

I wrote because me sister kept bugging me about not having a boyfriend but it went in to my feelings about dating. But you’re right there should be no pressure in getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

It is nobody, thanks you for pointing it out to me.

I'll try not to post anything that says I’m not amazing but it decides on my mood i'm in.
thank you!!

*leah

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