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Teen Poetry #7
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Person V. Self
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Person V. Self |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Will you let me leave Can I be free Will you let me breathe Can I be less then thee I’m confined within this place You’re always telling me what to do I’m never allowed to say You’re always looking down on me I have to leave You’ll never let me be free I have to breathe You’ll never be less then me We're the same you and me Don’t bottled me up I just want to be free We're the same two half of a hole Don’t bottled me up let your inner self be seen We seek peace, knowing that peace is the climate of freedom. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Leah S. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Its not one of my best but I felt I had to say it and get it out of me. *leah |
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the_hoodANDsheild Junior Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 25Canada |
I really like it! Great work. |
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
what do you mean, this is a great poem. i loved it! i'm looking for you...always... |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
its good. in your second stanza the words dont rhyme. i dont know if thats what you were trying to do but they dont rhyme and all you other stanzas do. it would make it flow better if it rhymed i'm pretty sure. Jessica |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Thank you for replying, to all of you Jessica I agree it would sound better if it flow better. I don’t know I had so much trouble on that stanza. I’ve haven been able to come up with anything that would flow better and say what I’m trying to say. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, Jessica, aliway, I have to disagree with both of you! It wasn’t the second stanza that I felt flowed kind of blah, but the last one amazingly enough. Also I was wondering on this part “we’re the same two half of a hole” is it supposed to read in one sentence, or is there supposed to be a break? Just wondering. You have a couple words that I would question your choice of spelling, they are words that have more than one spelling more than one meaning, but I feel like they should be the other way around than what they are, does that make sense? On this line “don’t bottled me up I just want to be free” is it supposed to be, “don’t bottle me up I just want to be free”, just wondering there again? Good job though, I can relate to this poem in many ways! I enjoy my freedom a lot…  @-->--- |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Hi stargal Yes it is supposed to read in one sentence. The poem is about how I show the world one side of me and keep the other side in side of me because I think they will see me differently. People have two sides to them a good and a bad (wild). I show my good side to every one and keep my bad side in and it’s sometimes its hard to. *leah |
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