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Teen Poetry #7
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sometimesitslonely
Junior Member
since 2005-12-27
Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-04-01 10:34 AM


I always prayed
that someday,
you'd realize I'm alive.

We'd passed down halls,
met at the curved walls,
with a stare at the ground,
you were off.

We met in dreams so often,
though none that you'd remember,
we danced in fields of snow,
from January to Decemember.

'04 to '06,
we'd be together forever,
until you drove drunk one night...
Car crashes makes love songs.


This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

[This message has been edited by sometimesitslonely (04-01-2006 12:31 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 sometimesitslonely - All Rights Reserved
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
1 posted 2006-04-01 12:02 PM


Hey,

Okay, you have one or two spelling errors, so you might want to use a spell checker before you post your poems.
I really like the first stanza it reminds me of what I would do!

I feel like this poem is missing something though, the ending doesn’t seem to match the rest of the poem? I mean I understand it, it could match, but it was short… I just wish this poem would be a little longer.

I love the third stanza, I felt like it had the best flow out of all the stanzas, and the words are so beautiful in it.

Good job

@-->---

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2006-04-01 11:07 PM


Agreed with Stargal's suggestions.
Nice job.

~Alli~

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
3 posted 2006-04-08 09:42 PM


I agree with Stargals suggestions. She said it all I have no more to say.

                   Jessica

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