MY TRUE LOVE HAS MY HEART - pipTalk Forums

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tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2006-03-27 12:22 PM

I cried myself to sleep last night,
wanting you to hold me and tell me all will be alright.
You always tell me not to cry,
but the tears keep my eyes from growing dry.
You are the sparkle in my eyes,
and the only one who hasn't fed me lies.
I love you so much and give you my heart,
and anything more to keep us from falling apart.
I know our love is strong and sticks like glue,
but I still worry about losing you.
You told me I am not wasting my time,
that you will love me forever and you will always be mine.

how did you break my heart when it wasn't whole to start?

aol sn- tearsoflove13762

[This message has been edited by tearsoflove13762 (03-28-2006 01:45 AM).]

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-04-01 02:23 PM

Okay, I think that this poem needs stanzas, I say that on all my posts? No, I really do, because it’s kind of confusing to just read the whole thing *ZinG* but that could just be me.

I’m not really sure I understand this very well, I mean you talk about how you cried yourself to sleep over this person, and yet they tell you not to cry… Unless of course the whole point of the poem is you love this person, and they love you, but you are scared you might lose them? Wow… I think I got it

Good job, my favorite lines were “I cried myself to sleep last night, wanting you to hold me and tell me all will be alright”, my least favorite line is “you are the sparkle in my eyes”.

I also feel like this poem does not flow as well as it should be able too. That’s just a thought though.

One thing I do wish is that it was longer! Great poem though! Sorry if I seem harsh.

p.s. i'm sorry no one has posted on this poem sooner.

@-->---

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2006-04-01 11:16 PM

I actually disagree with Stargal in that the "You are the sparkle in my eyes" line was one of my favorite.

Anyway I haven't talked to you in a long time. Hope everything is ok!

~Alli~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-04-01 11:22 PM

I should have spoken more specifically on that line, I like the line it is very beautiful, I do not think it flows very well in the poem though. That is just my opinion, and i'm not very smart on poetry

@-->---

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

4 posted 2006-04-03 12:37 PM

well thanks guys and no you werent too harsh thats what we are here for... i know that the "sparkle in my eyes" line is cliche but thats how it really is.. and yeah you got what i meant by the whole idea of the poem hes in the air force and i never get to see him and i miss him sooo very much

i accept your appology

aol sn- tearsoflove13762

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

5 posted 2006-04-03 01:18 AM

so sad....................................

i really like the poem. i like all of the lines. no favorite or least fav for me.

i'm so not helpful
Jessica

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

6 posted 2006-04-12 10:03 PM

Love your poem
My favorite is “and the only one who hasn't fed me lies”
It’s so sad

*Leah

musicalfusion
Junior Member

since 2006-04-12

Posts 14
manchester uk

7 posted 2006-04-13 05:05 AM

I think its very good you Obviously feel very passionate about what your writing and that comes across in the language you use.
very good

R.E.M.

intention
Member

since 2005-11-13

Posts 59
New Delhi, INDIA

8 posted 2006-04-19 07:44 AM

laura

i miss ur posts...good one again

Love me for who i m

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

9 posted 2006-04-19 10:32 PM

Hey..

this poem has been in my sight for a little while but I just got around to reading it..

.. Loved it.. My favorite line is but theses tears keep my eyes from going dry...

I think that it adds to the poem alot because it is a saying that takes a little bit of thought but when you think about it.. it means so much.. I loved this... I hope to hear more from you..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

ShelbyLynn13
Member

since 2006-02-15

Posts 73
US, Colorodo

10 posted 2006-04-21 03:53 PM

really good poem

every one is special in their own way!!!

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