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Teen Poetry #7

So long ago

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-03-11 12:18 PM

is this the place
how it seemed so long ago
but only a year has passed
since the day we met
do you remember

you were wearing that smirk
oh how it made my heart flutter
but that was all
for you were such a boy
tossing paper at my head
not caring what was said

not giving a response
but that smirk
when I asked you to stop
you just went on going
so I tossed them back

I was so angry with you
but all I could do
was smile back at you
it was so cute
you acting as a child

A year has passed
I’m now glad you did
for here we are
Friends at last
Hoping it will last

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-03-11 01:30 AM

Ummm, it needs a little spelling correction... I didn't feel like it flowed very easy either.
But i did like the general idea of the poem! It just needs a little polish

@-->---

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2006-03-11 11:36 AM

yes, the spelling errors really throw it off but the content was good.... but polish is needed...yes.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

3 posted 2006-03-11 12:17 PM

spelling mistakes and useins the wrong word in some places.

"is this the place
how it seemed so long a go
but only a year has passed
sense the day we meat
do you remember"

i think that you ment the "meet" kind not the "meat" kind. maybe. the spelling and the correct use of a word need to be right for it to flow easier. liked the idea of the poem.

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

4 posted 2006-03-11 12:46 PM

I’m sorry for the spelling mistakes; I was a little distracted 12am this morning by the same boy that I’m talking about, but thank you for telling me. I’ll change them today.

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