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the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

0 posted 2006-03-09 08:08 PM

Standing out in the pouring rain,
feeling what I've never felt.
Trying to play this hand,
that I've never been delt.

Lookin' for my future,
tryin' to forget the past,
but his smile on my face,
isn't gonna last.

I'm living in a dream
knowing it's all wrong,
but It took me forever to get here,
though it was fake all along.

I feel something different
but I don't know what's real.
I can't really tell,
if it's pain or love I feel.

I have many memories,
that all run through my head.
I wish I could forget
and just look ahead.

But the more I try to see,
the reality that's here,
I just can't get my head straight,
and forget about this fear.

My mind is so confused
and I don't know what to do.
It's all about pain, love,
and a feeling that might not be true.

I think of the present,
and how I wish I could see,
but I'll just stand here in the rain,
another empty memory.

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-03-10 12:31 PM

it flows very nicely. thanx

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-03-10 01:03 AM

Hey,

This i can say i like! It does flow pretty well, a little stiff in one or two spots, but perfect in all the rest...

Just 0ne thing... Check your spellings! Yup, i'm the spelling cop! it's this terrible habit i have, telling people what they should do and than not doing it myself.

Good job though!

@-->---

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

3 posted 2006-03-10 11:41 AM

I feel something different
but I don't know what's real.
I can't really tell,
if it's pain or love I feel.

My word! That is exactly how it feels don't it. If this is a personal write, or to anyone who feels the same way think about my advice for a bit. It is love that you feel. But because of whatever happened to make you feel this way the love becomes overpowered with the pain. Love still exists but it hurts to do so. You feel both pain and love. You felt one to begin with and in the end you will feel the other. If you want to avoid the pain you must avoid the love. Sucks don't it, but it's true. Very nice write, you do another good job of making a easy to read poem. Why don't you try a limerick or some other rhyme scheme next time?

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-03-11 11:27 AM

Thanks everyone...

Byski.. I like what you said it makes a lot of sense. thanks

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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