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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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You |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
curly hair golden brown accent from the south how he takes my heart away my face gets so red when he looks my way just thinking of him puts a smile on my face -------------------------------------------- any suggestions would be appreciated |
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| © Copyright 2006 Leah S. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, I seem to critisize your poems, A LOT! I apologize if i seem a little harsh sometimes. I just really get into something and i like to try and help people improve their works... Which is really dumb because mine need much more improvment! Couple things on your poem - The line "my face gets so flush", you might want to change that. Another, i kind of like to know the gender of the subject, it is not vital for you to put that in there, it's just my personally pet. I really like the lines "Curly brown hair, golden brown, accent from the south", i used to live in the south so i sooo know what your talking about there!  Keep up the work And thanks for sharing with me @-->--- |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
P.S. Can you make it longer?  @-->--- |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Thanks you You don’t need to apologize to me. I like when you criticize my poems, it helps me find my mistakes. And I look forward to them. Do you mean “Curly hair” because you put in “Curly brown hair”? The poem is about this guy and your right I should put that in there, but where? I tried to make it longer but every time I did it sounded bad, but I’ll keep trying at school. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Yes, i'm sorry, i meant "curly hair", i was stuck on thinking about brown! As for adding the gender to the poem, you might have to add another stanza, which would be great because it will also make the poem longer! Good luck with it though. Don't get caught during school hours! @-->--- |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
there is nothing to make better. in my eyes its perfect. Jessica (ps. i would be good a little longer  ) Jessica |
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
you just described me! great write, curiouse |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I thought it was very nice! ~Alli~ |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Thank you for replying, all of you. |
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