Teen Poetry #7 |
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Life |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Life is organic The origin is unknown To be original Unforgivable When life is taken away Only Sin is reborn Protruding the Earth Relentless in its attack Destroying for now But in the ashes The death is resurrection Life begins again Unorthodox mabey, but I grow on you. |
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© Copyright 2006 byski - All Rights Reserved | |||
latteaddict213![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Deep. I really like it, it talks about life which can be awsome. Love the ending "But in the ashes The death is resurrection Life begins again" Really nice ![]() Jessica |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I loved the depth in this.. and I agree.. the end is my favorite part. Keep it up!! ![]() ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi, I really like how you talk about sin… But the first line, it’s almost like it doesn’t belong? “Life is organic”, it almost sounds like dairy products! No offence. Or the last line… “The death is resurrection”, what do you mean by that? The dead is resurrected? “The death is resurrection” just doesn’t sound right to me… Sorry, all I did was criticize your poem… Everyone has their own style so I should just lay off ![]() @-->--- |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
No worries there, allow me to explain. In every end there is a new beginning. What I am trying to convay is that even when people 'sin' they destroy a part of life, whatever that may be. But even though some innocence is lost there a new beginning can arise from the ashes. People can learn and if they choose to they can improve. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Thank you, that explains a lot to me! @-->--- |
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
beautifull, curiouse |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
nice job. twas good. |
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*Alli4000*![]()
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Yes, I agree with all the previous comments. Great job. ![]() ~Alli~ |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Well thankyou all for relplying, it's nice to find some strength in numbers isn't it. It makes me want to try a new form of poetry and give you guys some more food for thought. |
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