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AtLsHawTy17
Member

since 2004-09-07

Posts 60
IL,

0 posted 2006-03-05 08:43 PM

For as long as this road is bumpy
The pain it seems to grow
The tears are falling just as fast
As the last time I went down this road

I miss him sometimes
But no way is there to go back
I’ve lived and learned a lot since him
And I just cant get off track

I tried to help her through
Yet she is too stubborn to try
I know I did my best on her
But with her unwillingness comes my goodbye

And another one goes
As I close my heart’s door
I cant take the pain from her
I just cant hold on no more

Too late to cry, you're gone... why should I cry, you can't wipe the tears dry, so what am I to do? I need to be with you....-Me

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

1 posted 2006-03-05 09:30 PM

Hey Jamie... Okay, to be totally and completely honest, I don't usually like your poetry. Actually, not completely true, I always love the ideas you express in your poetry; the execution of those ideas is what usually throws me off. However, I have to tell you that I absolutely LOVED this poem. This, to me anyways, showed such an amazing change in your usual style, and flowed easily from stanza to stanza. I think this is absolutely fantastic. I have just one little suggestion: change the last line from "no more" to "anymore." It flows a little better, in my opinion. In any case, well done, and thank you for sharing. Hope to see more like this from you.

<3kerR

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

helenadepp
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 59
durham, england