please, just let me in - pipTalk Forums

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LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2005-11-15 11:49 PM

if i couold take away your pain
in a heart beat
i would
take hold of it
and never let go
but you pain
has moulded so tightly
to your mind
not letting me
grab hold
but it seems
youve held out
the welcome mat
not even trying
to stop its disease
from spreading
it seems
youve shut the doors
in my face
when all i wanted
was to help
i dont understand
why must you be blind
to my open hand
maybe you fear
i pity you
but i assure you
its is out of love
that only a true friend
could offer
your drowning
in your suffering
you think you cant
fall further down
but you can
you think your crazy now
it'll get worse
you may not see a light
in the future
but i assure you
its there
stop bathing
in your pain
stop takin orders from it
dont believe its lies
when it tells you
theres no way out
so open the doors
let me in
i wont carry you
but i will hold your hand
let me guide you
out of the darkness
let me show you
how much i really care
let me show you
how much i love you
please just let me in

{in a million years i wont be over you}

[This message has been edited by LOSTinTHISworld (11-16-2005 06:42 AM).]

DestinedSuccess
Junior Member

since 2005-11-16

Posts 12
California,

1 posted 2005-11-18 03:09 AM

I liked the idea of the poem.. but there are to many lines.. it threw me off alot.. try to bring them together more

LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

2 posted 2006-04-08 02:53 AM

the reason i did that was because thats how i want it to be ready, short and choppy.

{in a million years i wont be over you}

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

3 posted 2006-04-15 03:34 PM

I would put in stanzas to help the reader. It’s a wonderful poem.
How ever your writing this about is lucky to have you has a friend.
I think how you wrote it was good.

*leah

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-04-15 03:44 PM

I would also turn it into stazas. I don't understand what you ment when you replied to DestinedSuccess. What did you mean?
I think that there might be a splling error in there someplace. In other places it just didn't flow that well. Do you read your poems out loud toyour self?

Jessica

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