I. For Hope And Forever - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #7

I. For Hope And Forever

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2005-11-07 07:34 PM

I.

Do you realize how bad this hurts?
the sitting in the shadows
chasing glimmers      of love
    that doesn't exist             to you
   anymore
My soul is dying    from this facade of torment
  that relentlessly corrodes the emotion that i
breathe
One look into my eyes   and you'd see it
my love for you
   engulfing everything i am
Did you have to comeback into my life?
To lament my wayward soul
by pouring salt     upon the open burns
that have spread over the surface
     of my heart
I just want happiness   that we share
     to be known
Not hidden, shunned
   and denied          to you
     just like old times
But i still love        and dream        of you
       to stay grounded
              For Hope     And Forever
11-8-05
Ok, i adjusted the ending and the title, please let me know what you guys think
-mike

* i've thought about making the last line
" For Hope      and For Love"
but i'm not sure which ending i prefer yet, so any added comments on that wou ld be greatly appreciated

- mike

11-7-05

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

[This message has been edited by Kaos (11-08-2005 11:40 PM).]

Christioned
Member

since 2004-01-15

Posts 93
Huddling in the dark

1 posted 2005-11-08 05:49 PM

I like this, alot. Maybe for the last line: For Hope And for Always. IDK. But this was really good. I can truly relate.

"See my wrists;
I feel your pain."-Creed

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

2 posted 2005-11-09 08:39 PM

And Forever sounds better. But this is good no matter how you decide to end it.

I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.- The Postal Service

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

3 posted 2005-11-11 12:50 PM

thanks for the comments, they helped... i'd been hung up on the title and the last line for longer than i should've been lol

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.