»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
dear suicide
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
dear suicide |
|
|
LOSTinTHISworld Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94canada |
i ask you to go away why wont you listen to me the pain you presence brings has brought me to my knees i try to ignore you but i feel you breathing down my neck im begging you to leave me but you ignore my every request i just want silence to live my life in peace but the words you whisper they're so violent you wont let me get any sleep you stalk my every move following me everywhere i go all im asking is for some time alone and i wanted you to know i let you get me once before but you have not conquered me yet you have taken my mind but you will not take my body aand i will fight for my life i will fight til the end {in a million years i wont be over you} |
||
| © Copyright 2005 becky dudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
as it should be....  |
||
|
young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
haha...a mod commented. they only comment when stuff is teetering on the edge of being closed. |
||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
young_blood, Really? Susan is actually very compassionate and especially loves teenagers. And she has good taste in poetry. This was very well done. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
young blood....that isn't why I replied. The title made me look, sure, but I really liked this. Don't assume to know why I reply to something. and Larry?  |
||
|
LOSTinTHISworld Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94canada |
thanx you all for your comments, i knew the title proably wasnt the greeatest but it was the only way (to me) to explain what the poem was about |
||
|
young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
ya, that was harsh of me. i apologize to both of you. |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Hey, it's no problem. And thanks for the apology. Now I need to go check out your stuff. By the way, I think the title was perfect. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
Paragon Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114 |
Let me first off, start by saying that I think this poem is a wonderful example of the human spirits will to live, in spite of our darker more carnal desires. I think that you have a gem here my friend however I think that it's shine is being dulled by the lack of an expanded vocabulary. Also, I think you should run this one over once more and try to repair some of the little grammatical errors here and there... not so much punctuation but rather you're word placement and usage. In spite of all this, I want to reiterate that this poem is GOOD, I am by no means stating that it is less than par. However, I see that this piece could be so much more impacting if you sat down and did some revision. Well thats my thoughts friend... Paragon |
||
|
* shining star* Member
since 2005-06-29
Posts 76PA,USA |
I really like this poem, it expresses how a lot of teenagers feel but most usually never know how to explain it. Very nice poem. -Smile, it's not a sin. |
||
|
Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
i appreciate the way people could be able to relate to this and to having maybe felt like that at some point, it kinda bonded me, as a reader, to the piece. Good write "Do not go gentle into that good night, |
||
|
I_heart_rock Junior Member
since 2005-11-26
Posts 10 |
that was really good...i can totally relate to wanted the thought of suicide outta my mind...i liked it alot... -jess |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
