Nice Shirt (Must Be About Breakup Time)

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2005-09-15 11:24 PM

Nice Shirt (Must Be About Breakup Time)

you're so cute baby,
with vomit on your shirt.
it accentuates your wretching about.
hold your hand to the light and
marvel at the stained glass in your
veins.
then you will know what
your deadly pleasures cost.
you're so faint of heart...
but so resistant to fainting...
trace the wrinkles of gathered skin, the dirt roads
nearest your heart.
you can't find something to give
when the storehouse had been sold
years ago.
(the cost of love must have gone up that year)

edit: i added the last line as an after thought.

[This message has been edited by young_blood (09-16-2005 04:16 PM).]

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-09-15 11:53 PM

this is very, very good.
very captivating.
awesome first line.

StarryEyed3
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 58
bostonia

2 posted 2005-09-16 12:23 PM

"you're so faint of heart...
but so resistant to fainting..."

this is amazing. the first line drew me in. im not sure i understand this completely, but i really liked it.

"and i'll sit and wonder of every love that could have been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say..." -death cab

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

3 posted 2005-09-16 03:20 PM

'hold your hand to the light and
marvel at the stained glass in your
veins.'

wow, there's some amazing lines in this. great writing.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2005-09-16 04:15 PM

i love how different lines strike different people. its great. thank you guys for taking the time to trudge through my writing.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

5 posted 2005-09-26 08:42 PM

Hey Alex,
I must say that you are good with words. I never did well with shock lines, reading or writing. But I gotta hand it to you. Ya' did good.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2005-09-27 12:08 PM

thanks man. its good to have a new fan

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

7 posted 2005-10-09 03:00 PM

Another excellent write. i really enjoy the way you title your pieces, they're very attention grabbing and your pieces are always full of so much creative energy, i find it profound.

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

8 posted 2005-10-10 01:29 AM

thanks man. its been great to have you read and comment. i have greatly appreciated it.

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