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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2005-09-15 08:58 PM

i.
caught in a net of
       folding hands (chairs, eyes)
close the ties that bind us here
like this.
strapped in between
threads of     sticky glue and fire light,
we do not belong in the
   same room.

ii.
and i envy her,
      envy the way her body moves so
      close next to yours.
breath fresh and longing for more.
    can the years make up
    for this lost time?
and she is yours, but you
are still mine.

iii.
fraying away the bits of me
that are screaming
to be kept,
     inside we are all but
     one final chord.
and you always told me, it would
come back around.
    the months would become kinder,
but your smile
never did seem to
  appear out of mid air.

iv.
always pulling wisps of
memories out of the sand,
    off of my skin,
the places where your hands
  met my soul.
          those nights where we were
          finally in control.
did it ever make sense?
    to end things like this would
    mean to end
the fireworks that always
went off

inside.
everywhere

         that final lapse of time,

        when your moments
        graced mine.

StarryEyed3
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 58
bostonia

1 posted 2005-09-15 11:00 PM

and you've done it yet again... i love this one, so powerful and perfect. especially part 3. i could read all your work a hundred times and still be moved by it. thanks so much for sharing

"and i'll sit and wonder of every love that could have been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say..." -death cab

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2005-09-15 11:48 PM

your good. great.
wonderful.
I feel the sting in this one.

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

3 posted 2005-09-28 10:26 AM

Well, well, well...

Honestly? this piece is one of the better poems I have read in quite some time. Lets spend a little time explaining why. You began with an obvious structure to your poem, meaning you spent some time planning your poem or some time revising it afterward.
Either way, it turned out wonderfully... the form and flow of this poem meshed without conflict. I honestly loved this poem for it's absolute candor, unashamed jealousy and pain. You kept my attention through the entirety of this piece and that is hard to do, but even beyond such you punched me at the end with a strong finish... well done.

Paragon

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

4 posted 2005-09-30 12:17 PM

OMG!!!! you have written exactly what i am going through right now...
nice work and it brings this situation into new light.... well written and keep more coming..
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

5 posted 2005-10-09 05:45 PM

i'm pretty sure this is the first piece i've read from you(i do have a small issue with uhh short term memory loss i think it is lol so if i'm wrong correct me) but this was very moving to me and i may have to read it again... ahhh reminiscence... any way, thanks for the read

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

6 posted 2005-10-11 01:33 AM

This may be one of my favorites from you. But Im sure I've said that before because I love your work.
My favorite lines from this were:
"fraying away the bits of me
that are screaming
to be kept"
And the last 3.
very well put-together poem, and still filled with emotion.
Thanks for sharing, this is going in my library.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

7 posted 2005-11-01 02:07 PM

i'm glad i caught this one. well done, words so serene and painful, good job

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