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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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empty this static brain flatlines on all lengths showing me nothing inside. testing the best to find our strength glittering bright but longing to hide. risking my will to win on a chanceful fancy, i parade my forced out grin resting it all on what it so chancy. take my fill of what's not there, drink to tomorrow's destitution. this crashes in with graceful flare spilling everything full of my pollution. i am empty to the world, empty to the heart, empty to this gurl. i am empty to your call, empty to your love, empty...empty when i fall. now im alone, but not lonely like before [This message has been edited by young_blood (11-09-2003 08:51 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
Nce work, I really liked this one ~*~Karen~*~ |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
foundation and philosophy...thats what we all need. |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Really sad....  ~ElizabethDreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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snoduck Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99Selah, WA |
"take my fill of what's not there, drink to tomorrow's destitution. this crashes in with graceful flare spilling everything full of my pollution." ^ That my friend was my favorite line. It didn't feel forced out... I guess my constructive critique would be to just write from your heart, don't worry about rhyming or anything... Because it's not the rhymes that make the poem so wonderful, it's the true heart and feeling of it. But overall for the most part I enjoyed reading this, and I hope you keep writing and keep posting! Thanks for sharing!! |
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