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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2005-07-16 04:19 AM

Ambition in a brick wall

Hades burns near the bottom of emptiness,
a stranger on the inside of your jovial smile.
The tongues of flame feel so enticing even
as the noise drives spikes of guilt into that
cheap, white conscience.
As the heat burns inward, your confident walls
melt with pungeant smoke and useless ash.
Stopping those thoughts is like
sticking your finger in the barrel of a loaded gun.
So, how's it going to be (with your finger on the trigger
shaking like its never bedded fear before)

I like to place bets on how long
you can act sane (for money is never lost on oneself)
but you are doing better than expected.
This war only ends in your demise,
so please struggle a little less.
Even your appearance in the mirror has changed,
maybe hell will never freeze over in that
heart of yours.

(The mirror shows one person, but many views for the many days we have. These are the double minds of us all.)

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2005-07-17 02:48 AM

Have you seen the movie "Hide and Seek?" That's all I'll say, for fear of spoiling it.

Interesting write. Very insightful. Well written. Thanks for sharing.

Alicia

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-07-17 10:10 PM

ya, i've seen it. this isn't so much about schizophrenia as it is self doubt and the other side of ourselves.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

3 posted 2005-07-18 12:39 PM

Yeah, but in facing two sides of oneself, it is much the same.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

BabyGirl323
Junior Member

since 2005-07-15

Posts 11

4 posted 2005-07-18 11:02 PM

this tighht. i like this. good work homie!!

* shining star*
Member

since 2005-06-29

Posts 76
PA,USA

5 posted 2005-07-19 09:16 PM

awsome write

-Smile, it's not a sin.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

6 posted 2005-07-20 11:22 AM

I'm surprised to see lines like this in your writing: maybe hell will never freeze over in that
heart of yours.
just because its a bit cliche.
You have a creative idea portrayed in sort of a bland way.
That's just my opinion though man.

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

7 posted 2005-07-20 06:15 PM

i like it. dark and meaningful

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

8 posted 2005-07-25 03:18 PM

thanks lexy. my writing has been non-existant and bland when it does come out. thanks for the feedback

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