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skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

0 posted 2005-07-16 02:21 AM

When I think about you
I get stirred up inside
The clouds won't part today
because they know you’re not here
I wake and live in my own world
only for you to come to mind
the meloncholic air I’m breathing in
is what i want to share with you
feel the waves
feel the waves of gray
inhale the bliss
bliss in endless blue and warmth
when you're far
i can feel the waves as I stare into the blue
the waves of blue and gray that swallow me whole
every sundown
when you're not around

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

1 posted 2005-07-16 08:30 AM

"The clouds won't part today
because they know you’re not here"

...yea, I am right here with you. Again.

Well done.

I cant believe how long i waited
for the boy to turn into my man...

Now if i could figure out, if it was worth the wait.

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

2 posted 2005-07-22 01:21 PM

A very longing write.

My only suggestion is to eliminate the 9th line because it just seems to be redundant when reading the 10th line. Also take out Bliss in line 12 for redundancy reasons.

all in all though this is a pretty good poem. Keep up the good work.

-John

nice use of muffin

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

3 posted 2005-07-22 01:57 PM

I don't know how to put into words
how much I liked this. It was really
touching and beautiful.

-Kelly

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

4 posted 2005-07-25 10:45 PM

What a sad one.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

5 posted 2005-07-27 04:09 PM

thanks for the input.

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

6 posted 2005-07-27 04:10 PM

messed up sorry, disregard this

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

7 posted 2005-07-27 08:23 PM

i can feel the waves as I stare into the blue
the waves of blue and gray that swallow me whole
every sundown
when you're not around

This is soooo me right now. Great Job.

http://www.mysticwicks.com
(try the after dark section)

StarryEyed3
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 58
bostonia

8 posted 2005-07-29 07:25 PM

wow. i am blown away by this. thanks for sharing, i cant wait to see more. i know how this feels though, and you made it so tangible. great.

"and i'll sit and wonder of every love that could have been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say..."
-death cab

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