Empty Man with an Empty Bottle

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

0 posted 2005-04-15 12:29 PM

I swear I'm not alcoholic, and in no way is this true... I've just read too much Bukowski lately, and wanted to write something... This is what came out:

Empty Man with an Empty Bottle

I’ve sucked this one
dry
now, there is
nothing
left. I
stumble
across the room
(walking to no
particular destination)
as
my big toe
collides with the
leg of the dresser.
I fall down
in pain,
wince,
rub my foot (hard),
wince,
then find it ironic,
that as our stomachs
fill with liquor,
we just feel
emptier
inside.

Comments and critiques are welcome... I dont really like this one, but I just wanted to post something. Bit of a writer's block lately...

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

1 posted 2005-04-15 01:04 AM

it was an interesting idea, the toe part perhaps could of been better....but the ending f'in rocked. good stuff, i really liked it..i think it's gonna go in my library.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-04-15 01:43 AM

hmmm....i thought the character was going to reach for the bottle again and then you would follow a path saying how the things that drive us to stupor are the things we reach for again and again. i was kinda disappointed by the ending, it was almost too ordinary. i liked the beginning. bukowski is the best.

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

3 posted 2005-04-16 12:39 PM

Thanks for the comments... I should actually probably apologize for posting this... it was more one I posted, just because I wanted to post something again, not because I liked it.

I agree, the toe part was very weak, and the ending was ok, but nothing too special.

Bit of a writers block lately... thanks for the feedback though. Hopefully next thing I post will be something I like better.

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

4 posted 2005-05-07 12:40 PM

I think it has a taste of real - and truth

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

5 posted 2005-05-09 06:03 PM

This hit me hard... as far as my opinion goes.. pretty good. I myself cant relate to this, but my mom has a drinking problem she wont admit.. so I know the whole theory of this.

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

youcan'tseeme
Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 88

6 posted 2005-05-19 12:19 PM

I enjoyed reading this piece, a bit different. A different style of writing...

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.