Mountaintops in the Valleys

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2005-04-11 08:33 PM

Mountaintops in the Valleys

The words still lie dormant in my head
"Let the world change you...
and you can change the world..."
I long for those words to
grab hold of my hand as I drown myself
inside a lake with no surface.
Can one escape mirrors with no
reflections?
I have never seen the worlds
beyond my television,
can I too be changed?
I am drowning
there is no doubt of that.
That is my great injustice.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-04-11 08:52 PM

I like it.
I have never seen the worlds
beyond my television,

I like that line. a lot.
well said.
its a little bland for you though.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-04-11 09:14 PM

thanks for reading lexy. The problem right now is that I want to write something, but my inspiration is lacking the right tools at the moment. I may go read some Bukowski and then write again.

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

3 posted 2005-04-12 01:27 AM

Hell yeah, Bukowski! He's all I read anymore...

Whats up man? Decided to stop back to read some of you latest poems... This is a pretty good one to come back to. Found it funny though, that you commented about not being motivated or original... One of your lines is very similar to an old one I wrote:

Until our stomachs scream
for food, and our brain’s respond
with a “sorry”,
Until our eyes see death,
without the glassy screen of
the TV to shield us,
Until we break out of our
cosseted shelter, this world
we call home,
will we ever know the
Truth.

Just thought I'd post that, b/c yours reminded me a lot of it... Haha, not accusing you of copying, just saying that maybe we were both lacking creativity... It's true, about knowing nothing past our TV's, but it may want to be reworded.

I love your last line though... It ties up the poem nicely.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2005-04-12 10:24 AM

thanks alot drummer. you are right about those lines being similar. I really didn't cop it off you. Like you said, I am just uncreative right now. thanks for commenting man.

Italy Angel
Member

since 2003-09-01

Posts 65
Northern Ca

5 posted 2005-04-18 01:36 AM

'Can one escape mirrors with no
reflections?'

I like that line. You know, I've lost my muse plenty of times. You'll get it back. Make yourself writing exercises and do one a day. That should give you results.

Good luck!

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