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The Sun And Rain All On A Summer's Day
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The Sun And Rain All On A Summer's Day |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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The Sun And Rain All On A Summer's Day I've sat in the same diner for nearly 25 years now. It never changes. Somehow I feel relief from the odd acquaintances and familiar waitresses. Everyone here looks like they are out for a sunday stroll. Life moves slowly, moving much like the catsup in those bottles. But then you pound it, trying to make happen and one day you've got a huge mess. I laugh and shrug off those spills, stains always come out. There's the new couple. He has frequently roaming hands. That will wear of soon. Everything does. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
I'm really fond of your new writings. they are rather story-like. I enjoy! |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
thank you for reading lexy. it's great to have a consistant reader. |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Hey man, I really like this. I've always liked narrative poetry. This is well written too, really puts you in the story. I like the ketchup simile, however I think the next line hurts it a lot. but then you pound it. Good verb, but I would reword the sentence... It just sounds too 'matter-a-fact.' I also think the ending is a lot stronger without the last 3 lines... I think it would be better ending with: I laugh and shrug off those spills, stains always come out. instead of the last stanza you have. Anyways, great poem man, just trying to help a little. Good to read your stuff again though. |
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