worthless affections. - pipTalk Forums

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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2005-03-15 05:36 PM

naked; i've been so naked.
sprawled across
the bed,
dying for you day by day.
and wandering the nights,
the alley ways,
the street lights.
i shone for you,
carried the weight for you.
and the flowers
blooming from my hands
was the only result
from you shining your sun
rays so brightly
onto my skin.
i am what you need,
i am what you should see
when you wake
up in the morning,
radiant in all its glory.
glory, glory, glory.
i dance for you,
my desires spinning around
like a twirling ballerina.
laced up in the obvious,
and coming
undone like an unneeded
answer,
a charming disaster.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-03-16 08:17 AM

the flowers
blooming from my hands
was the only result
from you shining your sun
rays so brightly
onto my skin.

wow. you created the most awesome images in my head kelly. This poem seems to be about resisting and giving in at the same time. Its so peaceful and subtle and yet its screaming.
your poetry just gets better and btter.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2005-03-16 05:40 PM

honest eh?
it is awesome...i especially love the ending, as always, you did an excellent job. i love your poetry =)

berg

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2005-03-16 09:40 PM

This is so amazing. I loved every word. The imagery was excellent.
This one's going in my library.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

4 posted 2005-03-30 01:47 AM

very nice*claps*

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

5 posted 2005-04-01 02:52 AM

i dance for you,
my desires spinning around
like a twirling ballerina.
laced up in the obvious,
and coming
undone like an unneeded
answer,
a charming disaster.

Awesome. I think subtle rhyme (answer-distaster) is one of the most powerful literary devices in poetry. Great ending.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

6 posted 2005-04-01 04:46 PM

As have all those who were here before me,
I find this poem absolutly excellent!  I too,
loved that subtle rhyming, much better than
my own bumbling attempts at rhyme.  It took me
two reads to fully get this peom, but alas I'm
not as perceptive as usual.  Nice work!

                                 -Rich

"I am a part of the world that I hate/I wish the end would come faster, my world's a distaster," - Crossfade "Starless"

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