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Teen Poetry #7
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Smoothy
Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

0 posted 2005-03-06 07:29 PM



Follow the rabbit down the hole,
Then disbelieve all that you know,
Everything you thought was real,
Twists to mirror what you feel,

Welcome to where dreams come true,
And nightmares if you let them too,
Now come and take the Hatter's hand,
We welcome you to Wonderland,

Feel free to run or take your time,
For in the end you shall be mine,
Come and let the game begin,
But in the end the Hatter wins,

I pull the strings...
I deal the cards...
I rule above the Queen of Hearts.

All is mine,
As you shall see,
Because I'll never let you leave,

Even if you get away,
I'll bring you back to me someday,
You'll never leave me in the past,
I'm just beyond the looking glass...

Rebel of the sacred heart

© Copyright 2005 Bryan Nascak - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-03-07 12:19 PM


the flow here is great...I really liked this
Michelle_loves_Mike
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Senior Member
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189
Pennsylvania
2 posted 2005-03-08 08:15 AM


Ahhh....me likes...would make a right nifty song....just make sure the bass line rips and the sound is heavy.....peace

No one really cares,,why should I?

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
3 posted 2005-03-08 08:43 AM


Great writing, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

moonguardian2004
Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 64
MA, USA
4 posted 2005-03-08 12:41 PM


I loved this write, especially the second stanza. It was fun to read. Great job!

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

Smoothy
Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119
The dark side of the moon
5 posted 2005-03-08 08:07 PM


Thanks all for your positive feedback. This is one of my few pieces that I like. In fact, I think I'll turn it into a song, as suggested ^_^

Rebel of the sacred heart

Android 17
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Senior Member
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664
Winnipeg
6 posted 2005-03-09 02:06 AM


This was really fun to read. Reminds me of a fairy-tale.
Jezzika
Member
since 2005-01-05
Posts 154
work
7 posted 2005-03-10 12:33 PM


"Welcome to where dreams come true,
And nightmares if you let them too,
Now come and take the Hatter's hand,
We welcome you to Wonderland,"

I really liked this part.  The whole thing was really cool.  

Jezz

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
8 posted 2005-03-11 12:15 PM


I love this.
takes me somewhere else.
familiar and distant.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
9 posted 2005-04-12 11:16 AM


Woah. This was totally cool, I'm a big fan of Alice in Wonderland. I loved these lines:

"I pull the strings...
I deal the cards...
I rule above the Queen of Hearts.

All is mine,
As you shall see,
Because I'll never let you leave"

Great job.

"I tried so hard....But in the end...It doesn't even matter.."~LP

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

PoeTik JusTice
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186
California, USA
10 posted 2005-04-13 02:29 PM


Woah, I really really loved this one! I thought it was really creative, and I love Alice in Wonderland also, hehe. My favorite part was:
"I pull the strings...
I deal the cards...
I rule above the Queen of Hearts."
Very awesome! You have a lot of talent, keep it up!!!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
     *~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

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