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Teen Poetry #7
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A Coffee and BLT Down From the Bistro
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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A Coffee and BLT Down From the Bistro |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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A Coffee and BLT Down From the Bistro I went to the downtown deli today and found it empty how unusual. I ordered my BLT and told the waitress to just give me coffee she hurried to oblige my simple request. I read USA Today and thought "what kind of person read this hopelessness day in and day out?" Several minutes later an older man of at least 50 opened the deli door and asked me for the paper. I was done with that filth so I passed tomorrow's garbage onto a man who adjusts his life to the hopelessness found inside of those pages. How many millions of people react to words of falsehood -misplaced hope- and worry about the papers that tomorrow your cat will crap on? They have become as bitter as this coffee that I drink. I shall get another cup. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
young_blood to be honest I really didn’t enjoy this piece of writing as much as I have enjoyed some of your other pieces I liked the concept but it just seemed to read more like prose than poetry and it was slightly off-putting. I’ll admit that it’s a difficult line to draw sometimes but I just felt that this was prose chopped up into verses and organised along the lines of poetry, it sounds too close to regular speech for my tastes. Sorry for the harsh critique but it’s only my personal opinion and I’m sure you’ll find an audience who likes it. Andrew |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
It's good to have someone that doesn't like it. I haven't had anyone tell me that in a very long time. Thank you for your honesty. The reason I chose to write this way is that I have been reading a lot of Charles Bukowski as of late. The man writes incredible prose in the form of poetry. The ideas and thoughts are put across more as prose, but the poetic form puts emphasis on certain words, ideas, or phrases. My next couple of poems may be in this style. I guess some may not call this poetry, but the ideas and such connect too much for just prose, for just a story. Anyway, thank you for the honesty. I truly appreciate it. alex |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
This is the kind of writing I am drawn to. Writing with a story not just description of emotion like most poetry is. And yet so much is implied. Paints a vivid picture. I like the digust in this. I often feel that way. I especially like the end. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. |
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