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LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2005-03-03 11:27 PM

i know its kinda random, but i wrote it really quickly.

i sit here alone
i am always alone
even when i am with people
i feel alone
as long as you are not with me
i will feel alone

i miss you everyday
do you ever miss me?
i think about you always
am i enough to pass by your thoughts?
i care about you so much
do you even give a damn about me?

i will always love you
until the day i die
and maybe even after
you touched my soul
with your kindness
your beauty
theres not a thing about you
i dont admire

i wish you could love me
i wish i could win year heart
all i want is to hold you
to be your number one
because you will always be mine

you will always be in my heart
even though it breaks
more and more every day
you dont love me

~suicide is not so much the wish to die as it is the fear of living~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2005-03-04 12:28 PM

Wow! Good job!
When reading this poem, it does feel like a rough draft, but by just revising it alittle, this would be one awesome poem! (not that it isn't already.

)
I can really relate to this, especially the second stanza. Great write! Keep Posting!

~Alli~

*AIM = Alli4000* Journal!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2005-03-04 12:30 PM

yes, it does read like a rough draft, but the emotions come across very clear...and easy to relate to

LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

3 posted 2005-03-04 09:08 AM

thanks alli and SEA for your replies. definately a rough draft, but i should get around to revising it soon. cheers.

~suicide is not so much the wish to die as it is the fear of living~

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2005-03-04 01:12 PM

The first stanza reminded me of a quote that I read in a book about Napoleon Bonaparte that read something along the lines of “Alone in the midst of men”. I think we all feel that sort loneliness at some point in our lives. Some good ideas and concepts and some good writing, I found this piece a most interesting and enjoyable read.

Andrew

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