Who can you trust now??? - pipTalk Forums

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ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2005-02-13 08:40 PM

A winter's sun is never warm
There we go now all but torn
Who do we run to when we are down
Sunlight reaches hollow ground
Runaway but you will find
The past is never far behind

Who can you trust now
Where will you go
Are we all just
Troubled souls
Confide in a friend
A new found end
Who can you trust now

Sweet fields of dreams
A Life without seams
Tend to rest with regrets
Forgot to forget
Laying still in bed awake
Tomorrow is lifes second take

Who can you trust now
Where will you go
Are we all just
Troubled souls
Confide in a friend
A new found end
Who can you trust now

The sun was late tonight
Will I ever be alright
A night of sympathy
Lost hope in empathy
Prepared for rejection
Awaiting resurrection

[This message has been edited by ShadyMakaveli (02-14-2005 09:07 AM).]

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-02-14 11:51 AM

hmmm. I hear you.
I little too much rhyming for my taste.
but still.
well expressed.
I feel you.

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2005-02-14 11:33 PM

I loved this, and I actually liked the rhyming, I thought you did an excellent job with making the point clear and using metaphors and still getting rhyming to fit was great, but then again, my own writing is mostly rhyming. I also could relate very well to it. Anyways awesome job!

AIM-blueyed angel940
One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

3 posted 2005-02-15 12:39 PM

wow for once i liked the rhyming! i really enjoyed this piece and havent seen that great of a post around here in a while so good job!

-hold on to the one you love

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2005-02-15 09:49 PM

A winter's sun is never warm
There we go now all but torn

Very poignant... I am lost in the credibility of that statement. This poem is very well-written. The rhythm allows for an easy read despite the deep subject matter.

Who can you trust now
Where will you go
Are we all just
Troubled souls

Quite possibly... at least most of the poets.

Thank you for this read... I enjoy these types of poems - those with substance that allow for one to nibble on some food for thought.

Thanks again...

*Jennifer

((behind this fuzzy haze I can see that we are coffee and milk mixed, perfect, but not for everyone.))

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2005-02-16 11:30 AM

I really love this alot. I think the ryhming was just right. Is it a song? It seemed like one to me, and if it isn't, it would make a good one.
Excellent job, this is going in my library.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

6 posted 2005-02-16 12:52 PM

thank you all for your responses, way too kind...

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

7 posted 2005-02-24 05:24 PM

this was beautiful. then ending was the best.

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

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