well hidden from a plain view.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2005-02-12 11:44 AM

papier-mâché hands;
fragile i am.
so see-through is my
every move.
a million eyes boring into my
own well-kept
innocence.
hidden from view and (f-ew)
would ever wander there.

i tell him to love me because
i’m losing myself to this
thin atmosphere.
where should i call home?
beneath the crevices and
sleeping dust bunnies.
no light from above,
and his memories (t-ug) out
my smile;
only once in awhile.

and oh yes;
i’m so young and care free,
shedding all
different parts of me.
spinning crazily out of
control,
this fall will be hard
but my heart
will shatter faster.

so, seep into me like a slow
disease,
drain my body from these
miles.
strip me clean,
and taste these (v-ile) lies
i keep so well hidden
underneath the corners
of my dress.

curtsy and bow down,
i’ll still love you.
even when our peppermint
kisses fill the air
and it all becomes too
much to bear.

You play the song I know.
You are the song I know.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-02-14 11:45 AM

phenominal!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2005-02-15 09:56 PM

I really enjoy this poem.  The honesty seems to be dripping from the lines... I see a lot of societal differences in here, and that struck me as interesting, and increased the validity of the subject matter.

a million eyes boring into my
own well-kept
innocence.

I liked these lines.  It shows confusion and embarrassment and someone is seeing the real you.  Someone is seeing past the innocent facade... which seems incredibly uncomfortable to you.  It would for me too.

where should i call home?
beneath the crevices and
sleeping dust bunnies.

These lines struck me hard.  I am away at college, and have just recently begun to feel that my previous home is no longer my home anymore, but my dorm room is rented... it isn't mine, either.  So what is?  Where is home?  And the next two lines suggest that home is a hidden state of non-existence.

i'm so young and care free,
shedding all
different parts of me.

I like this... very cliche when it comes to society these days.  Depression is not welcomed, and parents often comment on youth, and the fact that youth means being carefree... it doesn't make sense.  But the following lines suggest these "stages" that parents say one goes through at such an age are just shedding... I really liked that!

and the grand finale:

even when our peppermint
kisses fill the air
and it all becomes too
much to bear.

This was incredibly poignant... The depression through happy times.  Shows debilitation and hopelessness.

You portrayed yourself excellently!  I really enjoyed this, and I hope I read more from you soon!

Thanks for the great read.