»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Anti-Love Song
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Anti-Love Song |
|
|
Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon 
|
This one's for the broken-hearted, Everyone who's torn apart and Are feeling like they can't go on, Here it is, the anti-love song, No more fake "I love you too's", No more searching for the truths, No more mirrors meeting fists, I'll die if I get one more kiss, So you're happy, good for you, So you're sad, I've been there too, But keep you're love away from me, I've had enough, why can't you see? No more broken hearts and dreams, No more things to make me scream, No more playing with my heart, I should've said no from the start, ******************************************** Well, I've broken one of my own rules by posting this. I don't post things that I'm not entirely happy with, and this is one of them. I liked the basic idea, but I feel that my mediocre lyrical skill has ruined it. *shrugs* Could just be me being too critical and condescending towards myself, but I don't know. "I hide myself behind them, |
||
| © Copyright 2005 Bryan Nascak - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
I like the idea of it. but I think it could be improved upon. I like that...anti-love. pretended love has got to be the silliest thing. you have something here. definitely. |
||
|
Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
I thought it was a good idea, but I just couldn't see it through to fruition. I consider this to be my worst submission yet. Thanks for commenting Lexy, I wish it were better. "I hide myself behind them, |
||
|
Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I liked it, personally. Maybe because it suits my mood so well. Keep it up, this one is for the library. |
||
|
Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
Thanks for your compliment. When I got the idea for this, I was totally fed up with love; and for a while, life as well. Will to live aside, there was a lot of pain that I was trying to convey. It's one thing to love somebody who doesn't love you, but it's an entirely other torture to have that person stab you in the back and break your heart. Rebel of the sacred heart |
||
|
aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is definitly not mediocre.... depending on the style i would probably listen to this al day long.. you have got talent and if you consider this to be your worst i would love to read your best... dont be fed up with life just because of someone.... no one is worth you ending your life, yes you will hurt for a while but it passes and makes you a stronger person so you can deal with whwat your life has to offer you later on.... think about this to love is to risk rejection to live is to risk dying to hope is to risk despair to try is to risk failure only those who risk all they cannot keep are ever truly free live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
||
|
Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
Thanks for the words of encouragement Aussie. It's nice to know that no matter how dark things may get, there's always somebody out there to help you find your way. You said you'd like to read my best if this was my worst, well I think my newest piece may be the best yet. Rebel of the sacred heart |
||
|
Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
I really liked this, everyone's been there, and it sucks, but I defintly liked this. Well done. "Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether "I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
