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TheGirlNoOneKnew
Member

since 2003-12-04

Posts 92
PA, USA

0 posted 2005-01-28 12:21 PM

I promised myself that it wouldn't come to this,
that your name would never pass across my lips
but now here I am, saying it over and over in my head
knowing too damn well the pain it will cause me.
And I hate how I can't hate you anymore,
how gorgeous your face looks in my photographs
I used to trace my finger along your jawline
remembering how it used to clench when you'd get angry.
I never saw a man look so incredible without even trying
and I gave you all that was locked inside my heart,
more than I knew I even had within me
and I loved you with a force that scared us both.
You had no idea how breakable and fragile I really was
if you knew, would you still have said what you did that day?
I wonder if anything would be different between us,
I wonder if everything would still be the same.
It's not your fault, I've said it time and time again
but I think we both know that I'm lieing right to your face
because when I hear your name now I still forget how to breathe,
you're the only person who has ever done that to me.
If only there was a way to make this easier,
to just close my eyes and make you go away for good
but somehow you always find a way to get under my skin
and sometimes, there's no place else I'd rather you be.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2005-01-28 02:42 PM

This was really descriptive. I can really relate, I broke up with someone about 8 months ago now and I try not to think about him but it still hurts when I do.
I think one of my favorite lines was, "And I hate how I can't hate you anymore." The ending was really good too, the whole poem was, those parts just stuck out to me.
Excellent job, this is going in my library.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2005-01-28 11:03 PM

wow this was really good, i can't think of any improvements. when i first read it i was like "damn, i hope this isn't rhymey" but then when no rhymes came i was really pleased. good job, it's really relateable and you managed to make it creative at the same time. definetely library stuff.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

3 posted 2005-01-30 04:36 PM

And I hate how I can't hate you anymore,

K so this made me cry. Especially that line...wow. lol I can relate so much it hurts, and that's one of the worst feelings in the world, to want to hate someone so much yet you can't cause you love them too much...awesome job, I hope you don't mind if I keep this.

AIM-blueyed angel940
One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life.

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

4 posted 2005-02-01 09:32 AM

and I gave you all that was locked inside my heart,
more than I knew I even had within me
and I loved you with a force that scared us both.
You had no idea how breakable and fragile I really was
if you knew, would you still have said what you did that day?

because when I hear your name now I still forget how to breathe,
you're the only person who has ever done that to me.

but somehow you always find a way to get under my skin
and sometimes, there's no place else I'd rather you be.

these are my favourite lines... they sum up how i feel about my ex... well written and i want to see more
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2005-02-06 12:45 PM

Amazing write! I am just toally speechless right now! (in a good way

)
You have got alot of talent! Keep posting!

~Alli~

*AIM = Alli4000* Journal!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

6 posted 2005-02-07 08:41 PM

"Because when I hear your name now I still forget how to breathe"

I love that line. This was great. Awesome descriptions...Well done.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

7 posted 2005-02-11 09:04 PM

I don't even know what to say. This is amazing. Thank you so much for saying what I could never find words to.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

8 posted 2005-02-14 02:07 AM

Wow...the last 2 lines really got to me. Very powerful..

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2005-02-15 09:27 PM

and I loved you with a force that scared us both.

This is a wonderful write... it really shows how deep you were into the relationship before its' imminent demise. I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

The above is my favorite line. Loving with such a force is beautiful... and you will have that again.

Take it easy... and write more!

((Behind this fuzzy haze I can see that we are coffee and milk mixed, perfect, but not for everyone.))

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

10 posted 2005-02-16 01:22 PM

very good write...

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