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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2005-01-19 09:43 PM

just give me your thoughts on this...please...

i guess they just found a comfort
in each other
talking till the sun rose
making each other laugh and smile
and she was finally happy
just by hearing his voice

and when she saw him
felt his arms circle around her
like he'd never let go
she knew she was safe
and she gave him the ability
to tear through her
make her bleed and suffer alone
he chose not to
for a time

then all the beauty ended in his mind
no longer were they the same to him
so he took that chance
and left her lying there alone
he couldn't turn back
so much hate separated them

she was still in love
trying to laugh and hide all the pain
she had to go home knowing
that she lived a lie

everytime she sees him
the feelings are still there
all the same
like they had never changed

left untouched in the corner
blocked out to the world
when he touched her
everything fell back into place
and once again they were together

if only for a single moment
the rain falls down on her and him
she smiles
he smiles
and they know they're still in love

no matter what i'll always love you
i swear

I_dont_know_me
Junior Member

since 2003-12-08

Posts 48
UK, Cymru

1 posted 2005-01-20 06:19 AM

wow wow wow thats all i can say, i really liked this alot, thanks for a great read x

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2005-01-20 07:50 AM

i_don't_know_me thanks for replying. this came from a personal experience and i was just trying to vent something. thanks again for the reply. glad you enjoyed

<333
ri

no matter what i'll always love you
i swear

Jezzika
Member

since 2005-01-05

Posts 154
work

3 posted 2005-01-21 12:38 PM

WOW!!! This was really good.

Jezzika

you know he really wants me

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

4 posted 2005-01-21 06:01 PM

I like this. I think the beginning was the strongest. My only suggestion would be to subsitute "encircle" or something like that instead of "circle around her" into the second line of the second stanza. Thanks a lot for sharing.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2005-01-21 09:39 PM

Really good piece! Im sure alot of people can relate to this. The imagery was amazing.
Thanks for sharing.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

6 posted 2005-02-12 05:30 AM

Seeing how you've grown as a writer is definetly a treat.

I really enjoyed the imagry in this one!

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2005-02-12 03:46 PM

Beautiful write Riley. This is just amazing...it's going in my library for sure. Keep Posting!

~Alli~

*AIM = Alli4000* Journal!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

8 posted 2005-02-13 06:03 PM

thank you for all your replies. they are greatly appreciated

no matter what i'll always love you
i swear

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

9 posted 2005-02-14 02:02 AM

I just watched The Notebook for the first time the other day and this made me think of it. Nice post : )

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

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