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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-09-21 09:20 PM

shapes against flame

im trying to pick out your outline
against the instense flame
and im trying to pretend im that im just fine
forgetting all my blame.
you are mixed in with the monstrous throng
creating a medley
one that screams out every single wrong
the tune is so catchy.
sitting alone and away from friends
sorrow is incited
bitter thoughts and vivid confessions
are faithfuly cited.
no need to apologize at all
for nothing has been said
but this shows the truth of my own fall
giving bruises instead.
the faithfulness of you to forget
gives me hope for sadness
now falling embers are a ful set
stealing away my gladness.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2003-09-22 05:05 PM

I love this! I'm sorry that you fell and are feeling this way, but it's really a good poem... thank you for sharing

Life isn't really all that bad... just don't take it too seriously
"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. "
--G. K.Chesterto

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2003-09-22 08:25 PM

anytime, thanks for commenting, i really enjoy comments!!

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2003-09-23 01:53 AM

This was wonderful! I loved the first two lines! the imagery just jumps out and grabs the reader. That is a great way to start off a poem. I liked the images and the thoughts throughout the entire thing. The flow, I think, can be worked on a little, it was a bit rough in some places. But overall I really enjoyed the piece, enchanting write
~Live and Laugh~

The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again
~Bella~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-09-28 06:11 AM

This is a very nicely written poem, young_blood.
I'm really enjoying reading you.
~Vicky
When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

Why
Junior Member

since 2003-09-26

Posts 32
Middle of nowhere

5 posted 2003-09-28 09:19 AM

good job young_blood. feeling that way really sucks doesn't it. i look forward to your next poem.

Poems free us and trap us all the same.
But still they put our hearts at ease.

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-10-23 10:03 AM

steal...stealing...away...m...my...glad...gladness....

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

7 posted 2003-10-23 11:45 AM

Beautiful. I'm just about speechless. This poem was absolutely beautiful. Nice job. Definitely goin' in my library...

*I figured out that trust was just my one mistake...*

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