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Teen Poetry #7
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Fire Heart
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Fire Heart |
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon 
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Burning with a passion, Or are they flames of hate? Either way, it burns within, The fire guides my fate, Forged within the fires, I'm tempered by the flames, In my heart, the burning dwells, The center of the blaze, I hear the siren call, I answer and obey, The fire's song is in my heart, To it I am a slave, Do not try to hold me down, Or suffocate my will, Don't put me out, don't put me down, For I am the Flame... |
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| © Copyright 2005 Bryan Nascak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Well, this one certainly was powerful! Bryan, you really hav outdone yourself here. I enjoyed the way you talk of the fire within. It lives within all of us; that flame that defines who we are. Well met, ol' chap! (^.^) The only issue I had, was the third line of the last stanza. It's length threw off the flow a bit, but other than that, this was the best yet. Hmm... the thought behind this... have you tried a more lyrical approach? Could make a good power ballad. Well, I'll leave that to you. Just glad I caught this before I went off to bed. L8r! "I am a part of the world that I hate/I wish would come faster, my world's a distaster," - Crossfade "Starless" |
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
Thanks for the kind review, as always. True, that last stanza does need work, but I was a bit too tired to mess around with it at the time. As for the lyrical approach, I can't really help it. I hear music all the time now that I've aimed myself further in that direction. By the way, if you happen to catch Wren in the forum, say hi to her for me. "I hide myself behind them, |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
WOW! I really really really liked this one.... powerful. This is my new fav! Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Wow...Let's see what could I say that wold express how much I love this? Oh yeah, WOW. lol Really great poem here! I loved the feeling it conveyed. And the last line of the last stanza was my favorite! Great work! If I could fall asleep tonight |
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WindSong Member
since 2002-12-23
Posts 313Long Island, New York |
Wow, I'm a bit thrown off. It was splendiferous *however you spell it*. I liked the way it flowed and seemed to me as though it gained power towards the end. I love the ending. Nice write. Peace. ~*Kirah*~ "They say that truth will set you free, but then so will a lie. It all depends if you're trying to get to the promised land or just trying to get by." |
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
I had no idea this one would be popular. I tried a few things different for this one than most of my other poems. For one thing, it's not about love! Secondly, I wanted to bring forth imagery that I knew I could express. Fire and the burning within my soul seemed to be fairly easy to pull off, so I went with it. I also tried a more lyrical approach for this one, so it may end up as a song later. Thanks to all of you for your comments, you're too kind. "I hide myself behind them, |
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Jezzika Member
since 2005-01-05
Posts 154work |
"Do not try to hold me down, Or suffocate my will, Don't put me out, don't put me down, For I am the Flame..." WOW!!! This part was awesome the whole poem was awesome....  Jezzika you know he really wants me |
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