My Letter To You - pipTalk Forums

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AllThatGlitters4321
Junior Member

since 2001-10-03

Posts 45

0 posted 2004-12-15 12:11 PM

My Letter To You:

I know you're in trouble
and i wish there was something i could do
i see it in your eyes
although you act to man enough
to let your emotional feelings through
I over heard you on the phone
talking about the deal that went bad
We have all tried repeatedly to tell you
just leave the game alone
but you'd instead run the streets
and call them your real home
but i am writing you to tell you
because i know sometimes
you block out what i have to say
and i know you are thinking
that you could just throw this letter away
but please don't
I remember being so little
and you'd come and tuck me into bed
and make up some bedtime story,
i was so into every word you said
you always seemed to make the bad things go away.
And anytime i needed you,
you were there without hesitation,
guy problems, school,
what ever would come of a bad situation
i guess that is what big brothers do
and i'm thankful of that everyday
so please don't be afraid to open up to me
I want to help you,
i just wish i could make you see

well i'm hoping this letter helps
even just a little
and as long as you can be
guided in the right direction
i know you'll pull through
I just want you to know that
you were there for me no matter what
and I'll always be here for you
I love You!
*Please Comment*

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

1 posted 2004-12-15 06:00 PM

wow, simply amazing. your voice shines through the piece. you pleading your pain everything. I like it alot

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

2 posted 2004-12-15 06:40 PM

I have a poem, titled the same thing, but the contents is completely different. Good job.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-12-15 11:09 PM

hmmm...if i were you, i would make it less like a letter. this reads like a letter with no punctuation. also, drop the unneeded "so" words. this poem is littered with them. in general this just needs cleaned up. i appreciate the emotion in it, but once again, it reads like a letter. good luck!

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