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Teen Poetry #7
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trying to love you.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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trying to love you. |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
i’m starting to feel the chilliness of the ice. breaking down its barriers. releasing my heart. trying to love you has been like inhaling nail polish fumes. against the bright lights, the colorful billboards hold the colors of your eyes. miles separate us. years separate us. i hold onto my sheets at night. because i’m shedding my skin. shivering for acceptance. the dark strips away by the midnight moon. trying to love you is like a crow flying without wings. loveless. i float. remember to breathe after you exhale. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kelly Landis - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
"trying to love you is like a crow flying without wings. loveless. i float." Like that part. This isn't my favorite write by you, but nonetheless, i love it! Grat job!  ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
well i guess ill "say it like i mean it" i liked the metaphores in this but some didnt really go w/ it or was just overdoing it dont get me wrong they were good ... laura |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
Well, I disagree. I think this is up there with my favorites. I love the whole nail polish line. thats so great. the only thing is the end seems weak. And the whole bird comparison, just didn't work for me. but you are a talented writer none the less.  There's no reason I'm oversleeping |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Awesome! The ending really did it for me. I think the whole crow concept you used fit well. Excellent work! ~Jess  PS- One more for the library "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" -Moulin Rouge |
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