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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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AllThatGlitters4321 Junior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 45 |
It was a cold night in december A night i won't soon forget A sound sleep i was awoke from A voice full of regret. * I need you to pick me up, please come fast. a familiar voice i heard, one from my past. A friend i once knew, a friend that was no more. You see this friend that needed me, wasn't there before, before when i needed her, when i was hurt and wanted help. She said she was far to busy, she could only help herself. Now i'm stuck in this situation She needs my help now Part is saying, don't bother Another part is saying help her out *Get off the phone* A mans voice with those words i hear him shout Everything got silent, as i listened carefully She's in the same position i was when she said she couldn't help me I guess this is the truth to what they say What goes around comes around To everyone..in it's own way. Please feel free to comment, I know some sections need work on, Thanks for taking time to read it (I also need to do something with the end, any suggestions?) |
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| © Copyright 2004 *MeGaN* - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
the ending here is good, leaves you hanging, wanting to know, did you go help her????? so now I am asking, was this real? Did you go help? I would have to hope that if this was a real life situation, you would know how it felt to be in that situation, and go help. Even though she didn't help you, as with the 'what goes around' thought, there is that karma thing that will hang on you for not helping...it keeps going around...  |
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AllThatGlitters4321 Junior Member
since 2001-10-03
Posts 45 |
thanks for taking the time to read my writing. this poem was based on a real situation, i just altered it a little bit. I did in fact help her out though, and we still keep in touch now. I couldn't help but think if i hadn't helped her, what would have happened. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I'm glad to know that you did go help her, that rocks. It's not easy to do when you've reached out to someone and they let you down...but it's the right thing to do. In the end you are better for it. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I was reading this and then got to the point with the man's voice and was like "OMG!!" This poem rocks...I honestly don't know how to describe it...I'm speechless! I CAN tell you for sure that it's going into my library!  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Im so stupid...lol...I forgot to hit the add to library button.  *CLICK* *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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