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XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

0 posted 2006-02-08 03:33 PM

Because of you
I blush quickly
then turn blue

Because of you
Im restless at night
and cant help but cry

Because of you
I need to find somebody else
someone who wont leave me

Because of you
I cant help but feel depressed
and lonly

Please come back
dont leave me alone
i feel so lonly and want to go home

I want to go back to the happy days
when we used to laugh
when we used to talk and say-"because of you im in heaven"

XoXo,
XxnoraxX

No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2006-02-08 05:49 PM

Great writing, though one thing stands out… I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this but the following would be more pleasing to the eye:

I want to go back to the happy days
when we used to laugh
when we used to talk and say
"because of you im in heaven"

Anyway I really enjoyed the read

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

2 posted 2006-02-09 01:39 AM

I like it very good!
x0x0
free_Spirit07

XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

3 posted 2006-02-18 01:06 PM

Thanks so much for replying guys-

XoXo,
XxnoraxX

No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-03-09 02:59 PM

i like its its deep and wonderful.

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-03-09 06:42 PM

I loved this! Especially the end where you changed the point of view from 'because of you' things are bad.. then to thinking back to "because of you, I'm in heaven."

It was great..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

6 posted 2006-03-10 01:00 PM

Hey,

i really liked this poem! The first stanza made me laugh, the rest made me kind of sad... but i like it! The one thing i don't really like is the last line. It just doesn't flow right?

Nice poem though! this is going in my library for sure

@-->---

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

7 posted 2006-03-25 10:00 AM

this poem made me smile.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

8 posted 2006-03-25 12:54 PM

great job i really liked this!

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