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Teen Poetry #7
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Hurt (My 1000th post!!)
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Hurt (My 1000th post!!) |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry 
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Yay! My 1000th post!  lol.Anyways I wanted to post a poem for it and I've been having writer's block alot lately so I just wrote what came to my mind for this one. Didn't really edit it or anything so it's kind of blah. If you have any better suggestions for the title, it would be appreciated.  Also, it might be kinda hard to understand this, since it's from my experiences lately, but either way...enjoy! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Hurt What I thought was eternal bliss, Is now over with just one kiss. You said you were over her, done, through... But did you ever plan to mention, it wasn’t really true? You claimed that she was part of you past, And that our relationship was built to last. But as soon as her dad said it was ok, I began to feel you slip away. You slowly and painfully tore my heart from my chest. You hoped that what you did would work out for the best. How could I have been so blind… To think you had made up your mind? Now you say you still love me, And want to be friends. But you know what…it’s too late, For my heart cannot mend. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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Sweetpoet16m4u04 Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 153Ma, U.S.A |
Hey Precious, Let me to be the first to congratulate you on your 1000th post with a big hug and kiss. As for the poem all i can say is WOW. What an amazing poem you wrote for this special post and i really mean that. It's a tough thing to go through situations like that one but thats what makes the search for that special someone even better because where you may have thought he was the one theres someone out there thats even a better match for you and will treat you like the special girl you are!! Love always, Chris |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
Hey Alli! Great job on the poem- and I know you don't think so, but you've read my VERY bad ones. And this is absoletly awesome. I told you before that I loved it. And I want to congratulate you on your 1000 post...... a lot more than I've got! I know you decided not to put this up there, but I'm gonna put it anyways.... this is something I thought of to replace the last stanza. It's not that good, but something we kinda both thought of: You say you love me, But I just want to be friends Because right now you're too late You made my heart so it cannot mend! Good judgment comes from experience, |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
That was beautiful hun. I really loved it. I could feel ur hurt in it. And congrats with the 1000th post. lol Kissa I ask why, but in my mind, |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
bless the pen of a dearling child... innocense, tender and mild... Freedom is the dream of sleeping reality. |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is beautiful and i know that situation too..... well done on this sore topic and keep the writing coming....  CONGRATS FOR 1000 POSTS DARL...... yay for you...  Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Allison~ Congratulations on the milestone~ I feel the ache in this tender penning from your heart~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Chris: Firstly...  ...lol. Thank you for always believing in me...you know where to find me!  Bailey: Of course I have more posts than you! I've been here like what, eight months? In my third week, I think I only had like 15 posts. And the poem that you had showed me was not bad...it just needed alittle work.  Yea, thanks for trying to help me edit this poem, even though I was too stubborn to use it.  You know where to find me when you need to too....Karissa: Thanks for always reading my work and repling and giving your input. I love your poems, although I've probably told you that a million times. *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Derrick: I haven't really read your work until recently and I like it alot. Keep posting here at pip, k?  Ruth: Thank you for always reading my poems and giving me your input. The teen forum wouldn't be the same without you!n  Marge: Pip wouldn't be the same without you either!  I always enjoy your poems, and your girls are so cute...they always put a smile on my face!  Once again, thanks everyone for reading! ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem. I think you were going in the right direction with this one. Something you might want to consider is flow. One verse has a certain amount of syllables and then the one right after chops up because it lacks the flow to match the previous line. Im not pointing to a verse in general, just certain parts of the poem. In essence, i liked the poem and Ive been there (not with a guy, of course), but yeah- you're going to have to take into account that young males usually dont know what they want. Man, if i saw a 14-17yr old teenage boy who told me "yeah im going to marry this girl, I know EXACTLY what i want out of life, and its going to happen like this and this and this" im sorry, but that person hasnt experienced the curve balls that come along with simply living. Your poem was good, made me think about a lot of things I used to go through in highschool with the opposite sex hehe. I liked the poem, keep posting!!!  "One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
true. thats the difference and boys and men. ~Express Yourself~ |
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red_angel*16 Member
since 2004-09-04
Posts 71 |
I love it i know how you feel and i think everyone can relate to this so like I said I love it !!! thanks for sharing keep posting !!! always Christine Ermita |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i loved it. made me think about some things. congrats on the 1000th post. robin hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt! |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Dopey Dope: Thanks for the constructive critism. As I had said before I've been having writer's block for a lloonngg time and I really wanted to post a poem, so basically I just posted whatever popped into my head. Again, thanks for reading! Derrick: Wow! I feel special! You replied to my poem not once but TWICE! lol..*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Christine: Thank you so much for replying! Post some more poems soon, k?  Robin: It's nice to see you around posting and replying! Thank you for the congrats, although it's not so much compared to some other pip members!  Thanks again Everyone!  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... [This message has been edited by *Alli4000* (11-21-2004 12:47 AM).] |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
Alli- Although I am a bit slow, I congratulate you on your 1000th post. I have enjoyed the last week getting to know you and reading your poetry. I enjoyed the poem you wrote for your milestone post. Its sad and life often does that to a person. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future. Smile |
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Sweetest Sorrow X Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146From a cradle to a casket |
I love you Alli! I choose my company by the beating of their hearts |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Wow.. you did in less than a year what will most likely take me a decade! 1000 POSTS... *WHISTLES* WOW. .... *mutters* stupid caps lock... anyway, you got to a thousand posts, all - at least those I've read - with either a beautiful poem, or thoughtfull remark. Kudos! As for this poem, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, I think all of us here know that feeling. Beautiful as usual. -Rich Winamp is Playing: "Back Into Your System" Saliva Back Into Your System [center]"I'm burning in the heavens, |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Kellie: It's ok your late...I'm a late replying to your reply. lol. Glad your back here at pip.  Persephone: Haha...love ya too!  Rich: It won't take you that long to get to 1000!!! It took me a llooongg tome...lol...I bet it takes some people like 4 days. lol. *sigh* Anyways...thank you so much for the nice reply!!  One again, thanks everyone! Pip has become my second home...  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Congratulations on your 1,000th post Alli! You've penned a very emotional piece to mark this milestone, well done! Thanks so much for all your help in the DM program too. We really appreciate all you do! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
A very well done 1,000th post Alli. I'm overjoyed that you overcame your writers block to weave this tale of hurt. (though not overjoyed that you're hurting) Great write. nice use of muffin |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wonderful writing Alli and congratulations on your thousandth post Andrew |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
bump! back to the top. hehe. |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
you are amazing alli! ive missed reading your poems my comp has been messed up well congrats on 1000! laura |
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milkweed Junior Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 42fields of gold |
Alli, this was genuinely felt. It sounds like it would make a good song. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Alli, congratulations! And thank you for visiting my poetry, I always appreciate your enthusiasm and kind words! As for this write from you? it's OK to hurt since its part of loving, and somtimes, you'll hurt just the same even after the ripe 'old age' of 50+; I know this from personal experience.  enjoy it all, it is all LIFE |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
dang! I can't believe I missed this( i thought I'd already replied, I'm smart ) Well this was absolutly amazing, I could relate to every word! O and congrats on ur 1000th post! I'm farrrr away from that lol And we all have writers block, I've had it for awhile and hopefully maybe *crosses fingers* broke it, and you did an excellent job on writing this! Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Hey you guys...sorry this took so long for me to reply! Kit: Thank you for reading and replying! It feels good to know I'm helping to keep pip up and running.  John: Thank you so much for the congrats...and I'm glad that you took the time to read my poem even though you post in open.  Andrew: A big thank you to you too for taking the time to read my poem and reply. Now when I think about it, 1000 posts doesn't really seem like that much. lol...  |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Derrick: Wow! Another bumb? I feel so special today!  Laura: Sorry to hear about your computer, but u gotta post some more poems! I miss reading them!! lol...  Grace: Thank you for reading. Now that I think about it, it would make a good song! lol. And you need to post some more poems to!  |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
Well commenting was the least i could do since you've replied to a few of my works. anywho still a great write. "It's my happening baby and it freaks me out" from Austin Powers International Man of Mystery -John |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Kacy: Actually, thank YOU for coming all the way into teen to say thanks. I really appreciate your thoughtful, wise reply. Erin: Thank you so much for the reply! I can always relate to your poems, so i guess it's natural you'd relate to mine! Lol...that sentance makes sense if you really think about it.  John: Now I feel REALLY special! I keep getting multiple replies from people!  Thanks!Once again everyone, thank you for the replies and your kind and thoughtful words.  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Alli, Better late than never! Congratulations on your thousandth post! I enjoyed your poem, wishing I could write that well without revisions or such! It was very easy to understand and to feel. Wishing you a great 2005, miscellanea |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Alli, this was wonderful!! I completely understand.. and a very big CONGRATS on your 1000th!!!! "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'd like to congratulate you on your 1000th post, but you're nearing 2000 already enjoyed the poem thanks for sharing |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Cathy: Thank you so much for taking the time to come read my poem and reply. Pretty soon I'll be at 2000! ^_^ Happy New Year! Susan: Thank you so much for the congrats! I hope that you had a great New Years... Acire: Yes...I'm almost to 2000! Not even close to what you have, but I'm catching up! You better watch out! Seriously, thanks for reading and replying! Thanks everyone again! HAPPY NEW YEAR! ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Alli, first congratulations on 1000! You have a real knack for rhyme and meter. Keep up the great work! Look forward to another 1000! .....jo |
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Thomas119gold Senior Member
since 2002-06-03
Posts 708Biloxi, MS (city by the sea) |
strong poem I am glad I got the chance to read this write Tom |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
good metre. i am not a big fan of this type of straight forward poetry. it kinda gets on my nerves. nearly any sad/angry/whatever teenager writes like this. like i said, i do enjoy your metre. |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
neither am i. i agree with ^^^. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Jo: Thank you so much for the congrats! Only 300 more, and I'll be at 3000! Tom: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much for the reply! Alex: Well it's a teenager write cause I'm a teenager. Perfect logic huh? Anyways, I don't really care much for the technical aspect of poetry. I write from my emotions, plain and simple...no cryptic messages. OtherSide: look ^^^ for my reply. Thank you everyone for the nice replys! ~Alli~ |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Alli, First let me congratulate you on your thousandth post! I'm sure the feelings expressed in your poem speak to many. Hope you're feeling better. miscellanea |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
awesome poetry. I can relate to it. Keep up the good work. I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
honestly....i can't believe so many people have commented. i thought that this was mediocre poetry at best. the rhyme was far to obvious, but your meter was very firm and well done. the thing that bothers me is that the things written in this have been written a thousand times before. this reminds me of my very first poems. i believe that you have the creativity to create something original and refreshing. |
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dodge_chick2003 Member
since 2004-01-18
Posts 136California |
I really enjoyed this poem. except for the last stanza. All the others seem to rhyme but this one threw the whole thing off. Congrats on the 1000th post though. |
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~*BayBee*~ Member
since 2003-04-09
Posts 65In The Clouds... |
I liked this poem alot and i can relate to it.. I hope that he wont leave me for his past girl, but this poem made me think of what could happen! Great job and congrats on tha 1000th post! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
BUUUUMP!  Congrats - well-deserved. Jennifer ((behind this fuzzy haze I can see that we are coffee and milk mixed, perfect, but not for everyone.)) |
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