I Love you Forever (comments please)

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LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

0 posted 2003-10-28 06:14 PM

These are the eyes
That caught you in sight
These are the feelings
That can no longer hide.

These are the words
That come from thy heart
This is the pain
When you break it apart.

These are the thoughts
That hold you dear
These are the arms
Wanting you near.

This is the strength
That holds us together
This is the promise
I love you forever.

This is the blood
Which bled from the skin
These are the tears
Of true love from with in.

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

1 posted 2003-10-28 06:24 PM

I love this one, very full of emotion. I have to say I like the last stanza the best, it really caught me

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-10-28 07:34 PM

suuuuuuper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2003-10-28 08:40 PM

ummm...isnt "thy" like saying "your"? anyway, it was decent. nothing new here that i havent seen already. it wasnt bad at all though.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

4 posted 2003-10-28 09:34 PM

"thy" was a mistake it was supposed to be "the" instead. im sorry.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

5 posted 2003-10-29 10:07 AM

Okay I like the concept of the piece but sometimes constant repition can burn the stanzas down. Other than that I liked it and am going to read more as I speak.

NJS

quote:
"Those who will never taste victory, will cherish it the most."(R.W.Emerson)

NJS

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

6 posted 2003-10-29 11:44 AM

Overall, this poem was pretty good. I think the best part was the last stanza. It just tops it all off! Great work! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

7 posted 2003-10-29 12:05 PM

hay good one a little repetitious but good, keep writing

when you live you begin to die
when you die memories of you life lives in others
when memories of you begin to fade
you truly begin to die

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

8 posted 2003-11-01 05:46 AM

this i think is really good.....
the repition used isnt overly irritating as it can sometimes be and well over all the poem is really good....
you should give it to the person you wrote about.....
you never know what could happen...

martina
Member

since 2003-06-19

Posts 59

9 posted 2003-11-01 10:04 AM

GREAT JOB KEEP WRITING

xtel
Junior Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 16

10 posted 2003-11-02 06:44 AM

i really like ur poem...
keep it up!

xte|

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

11 posted 2003-11-02 12:14 PM

It is a little repetitive, but not necessarily in a bad way. I think this could have been a little better, but it's good as it is too. Thanks for the read.
Jen

I hate what I've become to esacpe what I was.

Olive_8
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 41
Canada

12 posted 2003-11-03 11:20 PM

That was the best poem that i have read in a long time! Keep up the excellent work!!
-Shan

~*Everything will be ok in the end, and if it is not ok, then it is not the end.~*

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

13 posted 2003-11-04 06:55 AM

I liked the last stanza best, but the whole thing was pretty good. Keep at it.

"Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort."~PaPaRoach

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