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Teen Poetry #7

I'll think of you

red_angel*16
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 71

0 posted 2004-09-19 04:57 AM

I'll think of you
when the day is long
I'll think of you
when the day is gone

I'll think of you
and maybe you'll be there
I'll think of you
just because I care

I'll think of you
and one things true
I hope that you'll
think of me to !

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

1 posted 2004-09-19 12:39 PM

OK I like this poem but its something I would expect from a new member. You need to try and use bigger words and the ending well the ending kind of reminded me of something a 7th grader would use. Keep Trying.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-09-19 11:26 PM

It seemed like a simple poem to me. Like Dodge_chick said, you could try to use bigger words, but I don't know, your choice.
I don't see this as a big masterpiece or anything; I see it more as a simple, but expressive write.
Anyways, thanks for sharing! I can't wait to read more.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

red_angel*16
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 71

3 posted 2004-09-21 05:27 AM

I guess your right dodge_chick
it is simple
but I am a 7th grader
I'm a young writer.
well thanks 4 your replys

sim0riah
Member

since 2004-09-07

Posts 253
Wyoming USA

4 posted 2004-09-21 03:08 PM

Simple sometimes is the best way to express things..Overwriting can get people lost and confused..I think this is clean cut and to the point and very good

sim0riah

Only at night you can see the depth of the sun

Sim0riah

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