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TheGirlNoOneKnew
Member

since 2003-12-04

Posts 92
PA, USA

0 posted 2004-09-15 02:08 PM

Caught like a deer in the headlights,
my body froze, eyes wide in innocence
as you step towards me.

I hate you, I think to myself,
I hate you for being so beautiful.

You cup my chin in your hands,
knowing well aware why I'm here
but not whispering the words aloud.

Button after button is undone,
flesh to flesh, we're palm to palm.

A simple act of intimacy
never seems to bring us together,
we keep drifting farther apart.

My clothes are draped across your floor,
just like my heart, just like my soul.

While turning on the T.V.,
you make no move to comfort me
as I head to your front door.

No goodbye gorgous, no promises,
that is how smoothly you operate.

I am just another one night stand,
just another warm body to get inside of
while you get all the pleasure you need.

Get some self respect, I scream inside my head,
get it together, don't let him drag you down.

It's like my heart is so blind with love
that I force out how you really feel,
but you don't care one way or another.

And I hate you, I think to myself,
I hate you for never being able to utter that word;

NO.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

1 posted 2004-09-15 02:45 PM

This was a very good piece...awesome if I might say. But so you know, you spelled gorgeous wrong. LOL. Just thought I'd make you aware.

~J.Lynn

There is not ONE person in this world that you cannot live without.

Sweetest Sorrow X
Member

since 2004-01-19

Posts 146
From a cradle to a casket

2 posted 2004-09-15 11:11 PM

Jeeze,I worship you,I have no doubt in my mind you are the best writer on piptalks,in my opinion. You are so good, ive searched your name like 39883789 times,im addicted to your written word. I get excited to read a new poem you have. You are truely Gifted...If you made a poetry book,id buy it in like 2 seconds,and read it everyday. Sorry for sounding like such a stalker,but you are just an amazing writer. I enjoy all of your writing,espically this one. All of them are just great. THANK YOU..I truley mean that.
<3
Persephone

I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drownin their innocence

davidmerriman
Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 123
Dallas, TX

3 posted 2004-09-24 06:43 PM

good write. it does its job.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-09-25 11:22 AM

hmmm...some parts were well written and some parts were too obvious in there message. the fourth stanza was the best in my opinion, but after that one, they kinda went downhill. it was an interesting subject though. well, keep up the writing.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

5 posted 2004-09-26 10:33 PM

I like this one a lot. More metaphors maybe, otherwise, this was a damn good write.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

6 posted 2004-09-27 12:45 PM

hmmm...I haven't been through this forum in a while but I'm glad I stoped by, this was a very interesting read if nothing else, heh reminded me of something I would write, I enjoyed it, nicely done.
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

7 posted 2004-09-28 12:59 PM

this is really good.....
its very very different but i love it any way....
keep up the writing...
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2004-12-07 04:25 PM

"Caught like a deer in the headlights,
my body froze, eyes wide in innocence
as you step towards me.

I hate you, I think to myself,
I hate you for being so beautiful."

I love that part...this is a great write! Thanks for sharing!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

9 posted 2004-12-08 12:31 PM

"A simple act of intimacy
never seems to bring us together,
we keep drifting farther apart."

I've felt like this before.  Trust me, it never works.  I can't say I've ever felt dirty and used, but there have been times I wish I could have said 'no' as well.  I'm glad I was up to catch this excellent poem.  And I can't say you're one of the best writers here, only because I seem to fall in love with everyone's work.  Guess I'm just a sucker for an open soul!  (^.^)  Keep writing, 'o talented one!

                                -Rich

Winamp Is Playing:
"Not Enough"
3 Doors Down
the better life

"I'm burning in the heavens,
and I'm drowning in a hell.
And my soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell,"
~Take Me~ Papa Roach

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