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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-09-13 01:36 PM

a landscape of finality
canvases the stolen night.
a thief in form of the sun
creeps along the borders of
a world longing for desecration.

a single tree signals S.O.S.
from it's island in the swamp.
another answers its distress,
freely dotting the grassy waters
at last with leaves of fire.

a single fear covers our view
of the outside air's rainbowed hue,
affirming what our hands betrayed
or the things the sun portrayed
and the swamp's hope became dismayed.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-09-20 10:16 PM

anyone wanna reply?

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2004-11-09 10:18 AM

nature used in poetry is always good.
this is no exception.

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

3 posted 2004-11-10 12:24 PM

To be honest, I really really liked this...though not completely understood, it kept my attention and was pretty deep. I would like to see more poems from you.

earthdust
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 53
predestined and foreknown

4 posted 2004-11-12 12:17 PM

why dont you try something different, and see what else you can create with your remarkable talent for words.

" Understanding is more valuable than diamonds. If you can understand me, Then you are a very rich person. "

TY!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2004-11-12 09:38 AM

what do you mean?

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

6 posted 2004-11-13 08:37 PM

try writing something relative to your personal experiences, something with some feelings that i can relate to. express YOURSELF to me. show me your artistic self.
use your heart, not your brain. thats what i like to get from poetry.

you do write very well, and that is quite a talent.

~Express Yourself~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2004-11-13 11:12 PM

i got tired of writing emotions. i'd rather write calculating things. all of my older works were all written when emotion was fresh. now i sit back until it fades and i can think straight.

earthdust
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 53
predestined and foreknown

8 posted 2004-11-14 10:35 PM

ok, thats understandable... no need to stop writing when emotion is lacking...
especially when your good at it.
your intellectal poems make good reads.
your work is appreciated.

" Understanding is more valuable than diamonds. If you can understand me, Then you are a very rich person. "

TY!

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2004-11-15 08:28 AM

I'd like to disagree, this peice is filled with emotion, you have a dig a little thats all. Nice writing, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

babygirlwlove
Senior Member

since 2004-10-10

Posts 1180
New York City

10 posted 2004-11-15 11:34 AM

got tired of writing emotions. i'd rather write calculating things. all of my older works were all written when emotion was fresh. now i sit back until it fades and i can think straight.
**************************
interesting approach...though I am of the mind that your emotive writing saturates the page in layers of blood of sweat...whereas if it is calculated....and defined with a specific purpose...your reader gets only the precision...with which you bleed...

I enjoy your work, youngblood...it is fresh and compelling...

write-on...like to see what else ya got...

P E A C E and O N E

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

11 posted 2004-11-16 12:07 PM

"a single fear covers our view
of the outside air's rainbowed hue,
affirming what our hands betrayed
or the things the sun portrayed
and the swamp's hope became dismayed."

i liked that part a lot. such a great poem dear i loved it. very very well. keep on sharin.
Robin

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt!
cody saw some pigs so he tried to fly but he fell and went BOOM!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

12 posted 2004-11-16 05:28 PM

thank you all very much. i'm so glad that people are enjoying my writing.

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