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Teen Poetry #7

bloody innosense

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2004-09-08 01:01 AM

ok i know that this is missing something but i cant really think of it so please help!!!

Blood rushing through my veins,
falling in love with you
has brought me to shame.

I dont understand how it happened this way.
now all my innosense is slowly fading away.

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

1 posted 2004-09-08 01:45 AM

Even though this was really short I really liked it. You arnt missing anything. Keep up the good work.

AtLsHawTy17
Member

since 2004-09-07

Posts 60
IL,

2 posted 2004-09-08 03:28 PM

i liked it, it isnt missing anything very good!!!!

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2004-09-08 04:38 PM

Hm...it's not really missing anything, the only suggestion I have is to maybe make it longer...or to add more imagry or similies, you know...something like that.

But either way, I still really enjoyed this poem. I give it a thumbs up...

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Lindsay
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 59
South Dakota

4 posted 2004-09-08 10:21 PM

wow! i liked it, even though it was short, it was really good

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2004-09-08 10:34 PM

don't worry, it's not missing much but a nice dose of originality. i've written the same thing multiple times. this has been said in this way before, i would suggest tossing the whole veins thing unless you are going to expand greatly upon that. just some friendly advice. peace.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

6 posted 2004-09-08 11:59 PM

thanks everyone for your comments! actually young blood i have seen your comments on other poems and was hoping to get your opinion on this one!

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