Teen Poetry #7 |
Death Of An Angel |
saddest girl New Member
since 2003-10-12
Posts 4living in your letters |
I once knew a lady named Misery she lived in a damaged world she calls to me in transparent dreams a lonely star outside the closed universe she was my twisted soul long ago she experienced the darkest of pain beauty was something she could not believe I once knew an angel named Evil she traveled like a ghost into the shadows her heart was dying for some form of life all seems balanced now the angel burns to die even the most beautiful of all roses must someday crumble to dust and fade away. its certain tragedy. |
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© Copyright 2003 Jordan - All Rights Reserved | |||
lauren03 Member
since 2002-01-04
Posts 64oh, usa |
ok i don't know if you want critques or not but i have one........... i thought the idea was good but the poem is confusing and the idea is lost |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
first off, let me say what a "deep" poem this was...possible one of my favorites and definatly into my library. onto my critique. I once knew a lady named Misery she lived in a damaged world she calls to me in transparent dreams i love the transparent dreams line..thats a very nice touch a lonely star outside the closed universe like the little star reference she was my twisted soul ohhh....creepy line..love it long ago she experienced the darkest of pain i did to! yea i did. i like how you isolated the word pain..almost like a second meaning in the way it was placed. beauty was something she could not believe mmm...not so sure i liked this stanza in with the flow of the poem but ok. I once knew an angel named Evil she traveled like a ghost into the shadows ooooooo, now we are onto evil! once again the isolation of the word is powerful to me. her heart was dying for some form of life wow, that is an amazing line...just wow all seems balanced now the angel burns to die mmm..i think this could have been extended a bit...the all seems balanced thing just strikes me as out of place...maybe just take it out and leave the angels burns to die as that last line..talk about a powerful punch to end it. love the poem all together though. great job! riley * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
I really liked this. It's definetly going into my library. Jen "Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but |
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Ally Stone Junior Member
since 2003-10-20
Posts 48D.C. |
ooohh, gotta love deep poems, especially the last bit, that kicked my butt. Ally |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
the angel burns to die......me like. |
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