Bleeding Hearts Drawn With Dry Ink

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-08-13 01:29 PM

Bleeding Hearts Drawn With Dry Ink

I write careful words
On careless hands,
Smearing the black ink,
Leaving crime-scene prints,
But the audition for condemned is over.
Say "Many days pass on
Calendar years with pictures grained,
So pursue the unattainable."
Your mouth moved eve-so-slightly,
You vantriliquist you.
Pass on the right and
Look to the blindspot left,
Where does left meet right?

In spite of tomorrow,
Today will always visit and
Stay pastits welcome,
But I've thrown out its shoes.
The present hobbles back to the past,
Letting memories bleed from the heels;
Poor Achilles, fading back into revenge,
Forget that man and strive,
Beyond his highest prize.
Let me out of this mirror!
Trapped and kept company
Byt the letters on my palms,
The wrists are dangerous and
Forgotten.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2004-08-13 02:38 PM

I liked this. I loved your first two lines, they, as always, captured my attention. You kind of lost me for the rest of the first stanza but I enjoyed the second one very much and I also liked the way you closed it out, for I know that type of a feeling well. I would check on some grammatical errors but other than that well done.
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-08-14 05:47 PM

thank you bela

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2004-08-16 11:07 PM

This was a good write...

the grammar errors took away a little bit, but the first few stanzas were amazing...

Karissa

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

4 posted 2004-08-17 01:36 AM

"I write careful words
On careless hands"

Definitely caught my attention. Very good work. I will admit, I do often get lost when I read your poems. Not that it is a bad thing, I just have a hard time keeping up with your thought process. Meaning, you are a very intelligent 17 year old

Anyway, keep doing what you're doing, because I like it!

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

5 posted 2004-08-17 12:38 PM

enjoyed - I really like your writing - actually I wish I could write like this

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

6 posted 2004-08-18 10:08 PM

well I too got lost in the first stanza but I usually have to read your poems a couple times to see what you're trying to tell the reader, which is good.

Man, how do you come up with your titles? Your titles are always awesome and stand out! Well awesome job!

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2004-08-19 02:00 PM

thank you everyone for the feedback, sorry that the story became a little murky in the middle. as far as my titles go, they just come naturally to me. like if something really stands out in the poem or something i may title it that, but for the most part my titles are yet another metaphor that just doesn't occur in the poem.

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

8 posted 2004-08-27 08:20 PM

Wow I like this A Lot

crazy cool

you're a really good writer

"In spite of tomorrow,
Today will always visit and
Stay past its welcome,
But I've thrown out its shoes."
i loved that part
but i loved the rest of it too...

awesome

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

9 posted 2004-12-25 06:36 PM

Wow Alex...I like this!

Merry Christmas!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

10 posted 2004-12-29 03:06 AM

thank ya both

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

11 posted 2005-01-14 11:23 PM

wow, that's rad I don't know how I missed reading this one.
That was spectacular!

Suede
Junior Member

since 2003-08-25

Posts 38
Drifting on the soul

12 posted 2005-01-16 09:39 AM

As many have mentioned, my friend, the first two lines were captivating. I really did enjoy reading this, it was so engrossing! Peace and Love

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