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southern sweetheart
Junior Member

since 2003-12-28

Posts 18

0 posted 2004-08-09 02:39 PM

she keep her heart to herself
it had been abused enought already
she didnt need to risk it
but then she fell in love
at first she thought it would be like the rest
but soon she was proven wrong
he was sweet and caring
and gentle and kind
he was her other half
the one she had missed for so long
he'll never know how much she cares
even thought she says i love you all the time
hes the man for her dreams
i guess he came to life .....

she can be herself
she can laught or cry
he'll always be there to catch her when she falls
her life she wanted to end so bad
is now something she treasures
thanks to he man shes in love with

the thought of losing him
brings her to her knees
she couldnt live with out the man of her dreams

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2004-08-09 03:39 PM

very touching...I loved the last two lines especailly, this is a feeling all who fall in love share! oh and should it be "Keeps" in the first line instead of keep? Well written, it was a very enjoyable read.
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

Sweetest Sorrow X
Member

since 2004-01-19

Posts 146
From a cradle to a casket

2 posted 2004-09-12 02:25 AM

Im in shock,and angry more people didnt comment,this is such a great poem. I loved it..the whole concept. Its exactly how i feel about my boyfriend so much. Thanks
<3
Persephone

I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drownin their innocence

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

3 posted 2004-09-12 02:37 AM

i also feel the same way bout my beau and i cant believe that i am only the third person to comment!
laura

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

4 posted 2004-09-12 10:36 PM

who ever said poems had to rhyme? Thsi poem is so beautiful. If this poem is about you or a friend they you or that person is so lucky to have actually found that one special person. Keep Posting.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2004-12-25 05:53 PM

Beautiful write Jamie!
Merry Christmas!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

6 posted 2004-12-27 11:30 PM

Wow, this is absolutely amazing. I love it! It reminds me of an older friend and her soon to be husband.... awesome write!

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2004-12-27 11:44 PM

Great work here, you got the sentiments across well.
One suggestion on this line, "her life she wanted to end so bad
is now something she treasures"
you might change "which she wanted to end so bad" to, which she wanted to end, or to, which she desperately wanted to end. Something along those lines, "so bad" just didn't seem to flow for some reason. This is just a suggestion, I love the poem, as I've said.
Again, great work, thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

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