Teen Poetry #7 |
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real love |
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southern sweetheart Junior Member
since 2003-12-28
Posts 18 |
she keep her heart to herself it had been abused enought already she didnt need to risk it but then she fell in love at first she thought it would be like the rest but soon she was proven wrong he was sweet and caring and gentle and kind he was her other half the one she had missed for so long he'll never know how much she cares even thought she says i love you all the time hes the man for her dreams i guess he came to life ..... she can be herself she can laught or cry he'll always be there to catch her when she falls her life she wanted to end so bad is now something she treasures thanks to he man shes in love with the thought of losing him brings her to her knees she couldnt live with out the man of her dreams
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© Copyright 2004 jamie - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Belabebeautiful*![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
very touching...I loved the last two lines especailly, this is a feeling all who fall in love share! oh and should it be "Keeps" in the first line instead of keep? Well written, it was a very enjoyable read. ~Live and Laugh~ Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down. |
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Sweetest Sorrow X Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146From a cradle to a casket |
Im in shock,and angry more people didnt comment,this is such a great poem. I loved it..the whole concept. Its exactly how i feel about my boyfriend so much. Thanks <3 Persephone I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drownin their innocence |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
i also feel the same way bout my beau and i cant believe that i am only the third person to comment! laura |
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dodge_chick2003 Member
since 2004-01-18
Posts 136California |
who ever said poems had to rhyme? Thsi poem is so beautiful. If this poem is about you or a friend they you or that person is so lucky to have actually found that one special person. Keep Posting. |
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*Alli4000*![]()
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Beautiful write Jamie! Merry Christmas! ![]() ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
Wow, this is absolutely amazing. I love it! It reminds me of an older friend and her soon to be husband.... awesome write! Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Great work here, you got the sentiments across well. One suggestion on this line, "her life she wanted to end so bad is now something she treasures" you might change "which she wanted to end so bad" to, which she wanted to end, or to, which she desperately wanted to end. Something along those lines, "so bad" just didn't seem to flow for some reason. This is just a suggestion, I love the poem, as I've said. Again, great work, thanks for sharing. But Im comforted |
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