Teen Poetry #7 |
Fear of Sex (it's not what you think it will be) |
Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
Fear of Sex "Say you love me!" have I not said it one million times or more through letters and poems that i have left on your bedroom door? have I not spoken it through telephone wires, or a birthday songagram or when i made your eggs the way you like them scrambled with just a pinch of salt? Have i not spelled it out I L-O-V-E Y-O-U in notes on your bathroom mirror for a pleasant surprise after a cleansing morning shower? "Prove you Love me!" Have i not proved it before with that gold heart shaped locket that you wear on a chain with a picture of another man with in it? How about by giving you both my pride and my ego on a platter of platinum and diamonds I know how you like your expensive trinkets "Let us make love!" Can we not make intamacy between outr lips or between a full embraces or even a back rub? Must we move it to a box spring, mattress, and a few sheets? Just so you can laugh So you can degrade a fearful man Leave him and turn away any other mate Just so you can leave me laying in bed alone in complete darkness consumed by a daunting fear of sex that has doomed me to celibacy. alright i've just realized that this poem is not all that good but if you have the want to comment on how i can improve this please do so. nice use of muffin |
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© Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
SCREAMIN Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 51US, Tx |
i like it actually. i share the same morals and beliefs that this poem depicts, and i could not have done it better. my only critique is that "Laying" in the 4th to the last line should be 'lying'. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this is a very good poem, I liked it very much... "Can we not make intamacy between outr lips" there is nothing more intimate to me, than a kiss.... sex can wait, and it should wait, until you are with a woman much better, than the one you describe here...(preferably your wife) good for you for waiting....and if this is your girlfriend you are decribing here?? Dump her.... |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
wow, strong message here. and I have been in a similiar situation. shallow...so shallow and selfish, she sounds. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Yes... i agree ith SEA and Lexy... she sounds very shallow, and you should dump her... The poem was wonderfully written, and i loved it, i dont know why you thought any different... Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
i thought this was ok. i agree with the morals, but the poetry was so-so |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
thank you all for the comments nice use of muffin |
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
I liked it good message http://www.nexopia.com/profile.php?uid=34810 <--all me baby! |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
Just as a side note i wasn't writing about anyone in particular especially not a girlfriend (it would be impossible seeing as i lack one but anywho). I was more or less writing about how sex is thought to be a prerequisite of love. thanks for responding nice use of muffin |
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