Fear of Sex (it's not what you think it will be)

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Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2004-08-08 02:20 PM

Fear of Sex

"Say you love me!"
have I not
said it one million times or more
through letters and poems
that i have left on your bedroom door?
have I not spoken it through
telephone wires, or a birthday songagram
or when i made your eggs the way you like them
scrambled with just a pinch of salt?
Have i not spelled it out I L-O-V-E Y-O-U
in notes on your bathroom mirror
for a pleasant surprise after a cleansing
morning shower?
"Prove you Love me!"
Have i not proved it before
with that gold heart shaped locket
that you wear on a chain
with a picture of another man with in it?
How about by giving you both my pride
and my ego on a platter of platinum
and diamonds
I know how you like your expensive trinkets
"Let us make love!"
Can we not make intamacy
between outr lips
or between a full embraces
or even a back rub?
Must we move it to a box spring,
mattress, and a few sheets?
Just so you can laugh
So you can degrade a fearful man
Leave him and turn away any other mate
Just so you can leave me
laying in bed alone
in complete darkness
consumed by a daunting fear of sex
that has doomed me to celibacy.

alright i've just realized that this poem is not all that good but if you have the want to comment on how i can improve this please do so.

nice use of muffin

SCREAMIN
Member

since 2003-04-28

Posts 51
US, Tx

1 posted 2004-08-09 02:10 AM

i like it actually. i share the same morals and beliefs that this poem depicts, and i could not have done it better.

my only critique is that "Laying" in the 4th to the last line should be 'lying'.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2004-08-09 09:57 AM

this is a very good poem, I liked it very much...

"Can we not make intamacy
between outr lips"

there is nothing more intimate to me, than a kiss.... sex can wait, and it should wait, until you are with a woman much better, than the one you describe here...(preferably your wife) good for you for waiting....and if this is your girlfriend you are decribing here?? Dump her....

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2004-08-09 05:09 PM

wow, strong message here.
and I have been in a similiar situation.
shallow...so shallow and selfish, she sounds.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

4 posted 2004-08-09 05:19 PM

Yes... i agree ith SEA and Lexy...

she sounds very shallow, and you should dump her...

The poem was wonderfully written, and i loved it, i dont know why you thought any different...

Karissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2004-08-09 09:04 PM

i thought this was ok. i agree with the morals, but the poetry was so-so

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

6 posted 2004-08-10 12:02 PM

thank you all for the comments

nice use of muffin

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

7 posted 2004-08-10 12:57 PM

I liked it good message

http://www.nexopia.com/profile.php?uid=34810 <--all me baby!

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

8 posted 2004-08-14 12:48 PM

Just as a side note i wasn't writing about anyone in particular especially not a girlfriend (it would be impossible seeing as i lack one but anywho). I was more or less writing about how sex is thought to be a prerequisite of love. thanks for responding

nice use of muffin

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