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kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

0 posted 2004-08-03 11:24 PM

I dont know how good this is. So tell me. Good/Bad/horrible? You wont hurt my feelings any.

My heart beats faster,
as I look into your eyes.
I try not to let you see it,
but for once,
you see past
my foolish disguise.
You didnt have to say it,
I promise no more lies.
There was a silent conversation,
that night,
between our eyes.
It was like you were finally,
seeing me,
for the first time.
For only a moment,
it was just you and me,
she didnt exist,
and neither did he.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

1 posted 2004-08-04 02:46 AM

This was one of the best poems I have ever read, I can really relate to this. Keep writing !!!!

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-08-04 07:42 PM

thank you.... i appreciate your comments.

Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2004-12-26 03:24 PM

This is good - definatley not horrible...I don't know why more people didnt reply so...BUMP!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

4 posted 2004-12-27 11:13 PM

This was really good! I liked it and could relate to it b.c at one point in time I connected with someone else when we both had others...

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2004-12-27 11:40 PM

This was really good. I liked the ryhme scheme. There were a little too many commas, I think the line breaks gave the idea of where you want the thoughts to break and the commas weren't that neccesary. But other than that, nothing wrong with this at all.
Great work!! Thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

6 posted 2004-12-29 12:47 PM

i agree w/ wren... commas in unnessicary places and rhyme scheme was good and not over done over all it was a good write

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2004-12-29 02:53 AM

it was alright. too straight forward for my liking. many people may relate, but there is definately only one interpretation for this. some of the best poets in history left their writing more ambigious. next time try and leave some room for interpretation. not bad though.

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

8 posted 2004-12-30 09:08 PM

def. not horrible, I really could relate to this one...lol sadly. Well great job, I do however agree on the comma comment but it was great nonetheless!

AIM-blueyed angel940
One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life.

Jezzika
Member

since 2005-01-05

Posts 154
work

9 posted 2005-01-06 11:08 AM

This was a great poem!! It completly get what you are trying to say. Liked it lots!!

Jezzika

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